I have 10 minutes to write a blog ... let's see if I can do this and get out what I want! I only have 10 minutes, because I told myself I would start writing my AP paper at 5:00 ... here we go.
Here lately, a lot has been bugging me. Like, a lot has been eating at me. For example, how badly I want to pack up and move back to NC. But I have to keep reminding myself that its all for God. It's so hard though! I've mentioned in another blog how I get those "God wants you to know" things on Facebook. Today, it said something (8 minutes) about me being myself, and putting my guard down. Hmm. I don't know if I've been doing that or not lately.
Quite a few people have been like "Your so ... bipolar. You're nice one moment, but you beat people up the next." I don't know why, but that really bugs me, because I don't think I"m like that. Or I try not to be, anyways. I've noticed that I am, but I don't know if its actually my personality or just me acting a certain way, and I just realized how awful that sounds ... not even knowing my own personality (7).
Also, I have NO girl friends up here /: I mean, I have a few that I talk to, but none that I TALK to. No best girl friends. Like I've said, I prefer having guy friends ... just cause they're chill I guess. But (6) I miss having girl friends to talk to. I was recently backstabbed, and I feel like that's going to hurt my trust with girls, which is just going to be harder for me to make friends. PLUS I'M STILL NEW. This just stinks. Haha, I just thought about this. I do "beat up" guys a lot. Like, not beat up, but hit and punch. I don't know. I like being considered "one of the guys" because I like having guy friends. I feel like girls look at that and think "Slut. She only hangs out with guys." No, not really. I'd rather have a friend (guy) that doesn't judge me, and can treat me like a normal human being, than a friends (girl) who backstabs me, and lies about me but also acts nice to my face. BLAH.
The girl who backstabbed me also said some things about me. It make's me worry that people are going to think differently of me, and less of me. It was truly eating me up ... but I decided that I don't care. Like, (5) if someone really cares about me, or wants to actually get to know me, then they can talk to me themselves. Or ask me if whatever she said is true. I mean, I don't know. People are gonna hate, because they reject the unfamiliar. But I don't know. I've heard a lot of things about myself circling around lately, and I'm like "Woah, do I even know you?" It's kinda sad, actually. That people don't have enough to do that they'll sit around and talk. But (4) I've decided to keep my eyes on Heaven, and what God wants, rather than what I want. He's better. Yeah.
So, I don't know. I guess, in a way, this is defending myself? But also, it's an apology to anyone I've been rude to. I've realized that I do that A LOT and I don't mean too :( It's so hard to find true, honest, good friends. Please, if you're reading this, pray I find who I need. Thanks :)
I praise You, because I am fearfully and wonderfully made. Your works are wonderful, I know that full well- Psalm 139:14.
Tuesday, April 12, 2011
Sunday, April 10, 2011
Truth Is.
I'm sick. I've been sick for about a week now, and I believe its strep throat /:
I don't know if this is going to be long. I wrote another blog, and deleted it, because I didn't think it was what God watned me to post as of now. So, hurr we go.
I was driving somewhere the other day, and I had this shocking reveleation: "If I'm not doing things daily to build the kingsdom, then whats the point?"
Does that hit anyonelse? It bugged me. I've been really convicted lately. I have no idea what I'm doing right now. Like, I'm wasting days not telling people about God. I'm surrounded by TOO MANY people who don't know, and don't believe. Gah, I have to do soemthing.
Alright, that's it. Sorry its short.
Jeremiah 29:11 "For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord. Plans to prosper you and not to harm you. Plans to give you hope, and a future".
I don't know if this is going to be long. I wrote another blog, and deleted it, because I didn't think it was what God watned me to post as of now. So, hurr we go.
I was driving somewhere the other day, and I had this shocking reveleation: "If I'm not doing things daily to build the kingsdom, then whats the point?"
Does that hit anyonelse? It bugged me. I've been really convicted lately. I have no idea what I'm doing right now. Like, I'm wasting days not telling people about God. I'm surrounded by TOO MANY people who don't know, and don't believe. Gah, I have to do soemthing.
Alright, that's it. Sorry its short.
Jeremiah 29:11 "For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord. Plans to prosper you and not to harm you. Plans to give you hope, and a future".
Monday, April 4, 2011
Well Surely,
I don't know what to call these anymore. I've run out of names, AND I missed my 100th post. BOOO :(
But anyways, I have an update! And something I'm actually going to "blog" about. (Mr. Kim, it's a happy one today). Well, thanks to Zach Arntz & Andy Walker, I will now be speaking at B.O.L! (Bridge of Life. From what I've gathered, it's somewhat of a missions trip). I'm so excited! I get to give my testimony, and speka, and pray and AH. I'm seriously so excited.
But time for the blogging:
I've been thinking a lot lately, and after hearing it from a lot of folks, I've decided that I've grown A LOT lately. I didn't decide that just from hearing that from other people, but also because I've seen it inside myself! Pastor David? I think his name is was talking at church yesterday about how he knew he'd changed, because he could see God growing inside of him, and I realized I noticed that in me too. I no longer ignored people sitting alone, I talk to them. I no longer cuss out someone because someone gives me a dirty look, I smile at them. I invite people to church, I offer to pray for people I know don't believe, and I just love like Christ does! Now listen here, I'm not doing this to brag on myself, I'm doing this as somewhat of a "marker" for me. Like, SO many times did I mess up. Run back to God, and just mess up again and again and again. But now like, God is just so big in me that I don't think I could ever go back ... never!
Also, God is faithful. I mean, anyone with a brain should know that. But here lately I've really been seeing that in my own life. A week or two ago, I was dealing with something I hadn't dealt with in years. I was literally begging God for help, and for an escape: he brought me Zach, one of the most amazing guys I have ever met. Not because he's my boyfriend, but because he's an AMAZING man of God. It's so awesome being able to just talk to him about anything, and pray with him about anything. I honestly believe he's the "escape" I was asking for.
Along side that, I have been looking for a job since ... before I moved here? Haha. I pay for my own car insurance, my own gas, and for part of my cell phone bill. Needless to say, I needed a job ASAP. The Saturday after my "guardian angel" stepped in, my mom and I went to Los Tres Amigos to have lunch. They had a sign on the window saying they were hiring, so I decided to fill out an application. After I ate, I gave the manager my application, he read over it, and talked to me for a few minutes. He said he would call me tomorrow (Sunday) and would let me know if I had the job and what not. So, he called on Sunday and I went in and had an "interview", which was him basically telling me the rules, because I already had the job. I work 3 days a week, and its absolutely perfect, because the other 4 days that I'm not working, I have play rehearsal :) It's so cool how God works things out perfectly like that!
"For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future". Jeremiah 29:11
But anyways, I have an update! And something I'm actually going to "blog" about. (Mr. Kim, it's a happy one today). Well, thanks to Zach Arntz & Andy Walker, I will now be speaking at B.O.L! (Bridge of Life. From what I've gathered, it's somewhat of a missions trip). I'm so excited! I get to give my testimony, and speka, and pray and AH. I'm seriously so excited.
But time for the blogging:
I've been thinking a lot lately, and after hearing it from a lot of folks, I've decided that I've grown A LOT lately. I didn't decide that just from hearing that from other people, but also because I've seen it inside myself! Pastor David? I think his name is was talking at church yesterday about how he knew he'd changed, because he could see God growing inside of him, and I realized I noticed that in me too. I no longer ignored people sitting alone, I talk to them. I no longer cuss out someone because someone gives me a dirty look, I smile at them. I invite people to church, I offer to pray for people I know don't believe, and I just love like Christ does! Now listen here, I'm not doing this to brag on myself, I'm doing this as somewhat of a "marker" for me. Like, SO many times did I mess up. Run back to God, and just mess up again and again and again. But now like, God is just so big in me that I don't think I could ever go back ... never!
Also, God is faithful. I mean, anyone with a brain should know that. But here lately I've really been seeing that in my own life. A week or two ago, I was dealing with something I hadn't dealt with in years. I was literally begging God for help, and for an escape: he brought me Zach, one of the most amazing guys I have ever met. Not because he's my boyfriend, but because he's an AMAZING man of God. It's so awesome being able to just talk to him about anything, and pray with him about anything. I honestly believe he's the "escape" I was asking for.
Along side that, I have been looking for a job since ... before I moved here? Haha. I pay for my own car insurance, my own gas, and for part of my cell phone bill. Needless to say, I needed a job ASAP. The Saturday after my "guardian angel" stepped in, my mom and I went to Los Tres Amigos to have lunch. They had a sign on the window saying they were hiring, so I decided to fill out an application. After I ate, I gave the manager my application, he read over it, and talked to me for a few minutes. He said he would call me tomorrow (Sunday) and would let me know if I had the job and what not. So, he called on Sunday and I went in and had an "interview", which was him basically telling me the rules, because I already had the job. I work 3 days a week, and its absolutely perfect, because the other 4 days that I'm not working, I have play rehearsal :) It's so cool how God works things out perfectly like that!
"For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future". Jeremiah 29:11
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