High School.

High school flies by so fast. If you are a freshman, sophomore, or junior reading this: please take everything I say into deep consideration. Please. DO NOT WASTE YOUR HIGH SCHOOL CAREER. First off, put your grades before anything. As lame and cliche a it sounds: DO IT. By the time senior year rolls around, you'll be happy you maintained straight A's instead of hanging out with cute boys. Make sure you do a sport. Its SO much fun to do a highschool sport! It's diferent than any club sport, and especially middle school sports. It's so much fun! Don't waste you're time. Every moment literally counts in high school. Make the most of EVERY situation. Go to dances, football games. Participate in pep assemblies, make your name known. Don't be embarassed at anything, always be happy and excited and ready to take on anything at school! I say all this, because I wasted my entire senior year. I have bipolar disorder (pretttty durn sure), and I let it control every part of me. Obviously, it's something that's hard to deal with, but deep inside me I know I could help it: and I didn't. I wasted so much time this year on sports and being home depresed because I never had time to do homework, study, work anything. Just please, if you're reading this, MAKE THE MOST OF THE TIME YOU HAVE. High school flies by, and I'm about to cry thinking about it. I remember my first day. I remember my first year. My second, third and thi past year. Please, make it something to remember <3

?

People have been asking me to blog lately, so here is me blogging. I'm sure it's fairly obvious, but I've taken quite a fall back from God. I've actually slipped into a depression, and I think it's more on the side of bipolar disorder. I've got a few different sicknesses going on, and I can't cure them. I have tendonitis in both wrists, and some huge self confidence issues. Umph. I think that's all physically/mentally wrong. But I guess on the bright side, I've chosen a college. I'll be heading off to Aquinas College next year, probably majoring in business and minoring in theology or dance, so that I can become a dance instructor one day. I also have cheerleading tryouts on Sunday for this school...I'm pretty sure I"ll make it. I really like the coach there, and the team members: they're so sweeet. Prom was last night: it was awful. I had a lot of fun getting ready (even though it was stresssful), had fun @ dinner with everyone, and had a good time with Zach. We we're there for about an hour, and left. Honeslty, we left because I couldn't handle the truth...we went up to dance, but none of Zach's friends wanted to be around me. So, we decided to leave. We just went to his house and watched a movie and slept. It was nice...having a sleepover. Part of me wishes we would have stayed, because I feel like I wasted $400 and my senior prom, but at the same time, my depression was just so bad that I couldn't stand knowing nobody wanted me there: I had to leave. Tomorrow is senior skip day @ Western, and I think I"m going to participate. I ate this piece of cake 30 minutes ago, and I feel so sick to my stomach. Sometimes I really feel like I"m pointless. Zachry gets angry when I say that, but I really can't help it. I miss who I was, and I hate everything I've become. I think that's it for now. Dissapointing, huh?

Friday...or Saturday.

It's 12:36...I just got back from Julie's...and I'm starving.

I had this little "revelation" tonight, that God isn't who people think He is, but He is who He says He is. Like, many people either a) don't believe there is a God or b) believe false things about God. Partially from Christians who don't portray themselves correctly, and the media. I was just thinking to myself "Ya know, if people would earnestly try to accept God, and want to, He would absolutely flood them." But I wonder how many people actually ask...like, if people care. Instead of trying to figure out if there is a god, they just assume there isn't. Merh.


I guess I just thought about this because I know, for sure, my faith hasn't been right lately, and I know that I'm not living it right at all. I'm deffinitely trying to fix it, but I've started going down that road you don't never wanna go down...and it's a struggle trying to get back.


Yepp. That's all I have to say :)


"I wanna live like that, and give it all I have, so that everything I say and do, points to You. If love is who I am, then this is where I stand. Wrecklessly abandoned, never holding back: I wanna live like that." Sidewalk Prophets <333

Family.

I know I haven't blogged in a while, and I really don't like that. But I mean, I'm working on myself...but here's my most recent thoughts.


Family.



Mom.




Dad.



Siblings.



Grandparents.






I love my family. I haven't been spending time with my family lately, and I completely blame it on my senior year. 3 AP classes, advanced math, sports, work, church, college crap. I miss my family. I'm deffinitely a person who hangs out with my family, and enjoys it. Although they can frustrate and/or embarass me: I love 'em. I guess I started realizing how much I missed them lately. I was home this week from work, because I asked for a few days off to get the semester started off right. I sat down for dinner, and it felt weird and awkward to me. It seemed as though my parents didn't want to talk to me, or didn't know how to, and I still feel that way. I want to hang out with my mom: go to dinner, watch movies, play games, do Zumba, but I feel as though she has lost any interest in hanging out with me before I move. I feel like it's because I've been out of the picture/house for so long, she's just started getting used to it, and I don't like that.
I've had some depression here lately, and it's reallyu starting to take a toll on me. I think thats a huge reason why I want my mom/stepdad back in my life. My mom really does help me, and I enjoy having a relationship with her. At one point in time, she was literally my best friend. I miss that, and hope to rebuild that.
I took my 8 year old sister to swim Wednesday, and it was so weird seeing how grown up she is. There have been days the past month, where I've thought to myself "When was the last time I even saw Emma?" I'd go days, literally, without seeing my sister or talking to her. Although she as well drives me crazy, I miss seeing and interacting with her. Anyways, I took her to swim and I really realized how tall she was, how freaky she was, and how beautiful she is becoming...it's so scary seeing how old she's getting. She's like, real tall and everything! The same with my 5 year old brother. He's still snotty, but he's getting smarter and speaking clearer. I don't really talk to my stepdad...and I haven't...but it seems as though it's getting better.



I just needed to get that off my chest. I really miss my parents, and my family in general. This spring break we're going to California and we get to see a set of grandparents (moms side). This really excites me, because I feel like whenever we're around grandparents, our whole family gets closer. I love it!





But anyways, for anyone who reads this, please learn to cherish your family. I never get to see mine. When I do, it's for brief periods, and I feel like CRAP when I leave them to do something else. Family is precious, and it's something many people struggle with not having. Families can build you, shape you, love you, help you and provide for you. What will you do today to show love to your family?











Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It ALWAYS PROTECTS, always TRUSTS, always HOPES, always PERSERVERS. Love never fails. 1 Corinthians 13:48 ish. NIV :)

Please?

Dear those who once loved me, and my blog,


Please don't give up on me. I'm working on fixing my relationship with God. I know it is not good...it's barely there. I know I have some followers who read every blog, encouraged me, prayed for me, and loved me. Ever since my relationship with God went down hill, all my earthly relationships went downhill as well. As I said, please don't give up on me. I'm working on it...I know what I have to do, I'm honestly just being the worlds laziest person. Please pray for me, and ... don't give up on me? Ha. I say it a lot, but I've had TOO many give up on me. I need you now more than ever.

Thank you for everything you do. Prayer, gifts, love, relationships: everything.


Sincerely,
Samantha.

Phewwwwwwie.

Sundrop. Texas Land and Cattle. Kelsey Yvars. Chick A Lay. Northwest. The Mills. Cook Out. Jay Joyce. Sonic. The Refuge. 365. Sarah Cannon. Bekah Efird. True worship. Nice weather. NO SNOW. True friends. Sarah Kirk. Deshaun Taylor. Viviana Donate. Josh Watts. Nutttttties < 3333 Northlake. The speeedway. Cherry Lemon Sundrop. CASA GRANDEEE !@#$%^&* Biltmore Estate. Rara and Poppy. Theatre. Pastor Portaaaaa.


I'M GOING HOME TOMORROW. :)
Eeeeek eeeeek eeeeek. Haha. I'm so excited! I can't wait to see everyone, and eat everything, and go everywhere, and see EVERYONE!!! It just stinks that I have homework...grrr AP Psych/English. But no man, I'm so excited to go home. Like, I don't think anyone besides Kelsey understands. I feel like I'm just gonna cry when I get there...hahahaha.

I think one reason I'm so excited is because I get to go to the Refuge. I know I moved to Michigan for God, but ever since I've been here I've only fallen from God. I really hope that something happens when I'm there...I can't wait to worship with the band, and lift my hands, and cry out to God and GAAH. I can't wait :')

So, just as an update, my friend and I started a colorguard club at shcool. It passed, and we started having practice! I seirously flipping love those girls. They make me so happy, and I love being able to hang out with them. I Love how they're all real. Like, they talk outside of the club and they aren't afraid to just be straight up with eachother. I LOVE IT. :)





Hmm. OHMYGOSH. Today was the last time I'll see Babi for 3 years :( Babi is my exchange student from Switzerland...booo :( Her, Celine (Belgiume xchange student) and I went to Ann ARbor yeserday for dinner. We had so much fun! I"m gonna miss Babi...WAAAAH :(

Alright. WEll I gotta go pack. I figured I would blog, because I haven't in a while.





I miss myself, and I miss God.
K, be blessed and have a WONDERMOUSSSSS Christmas :)

Lord, why have I run? When you, in the beginning, created everywhere I could run. Did I think I could possibly hide sucessfully from You? You, the Lord Almighty, knowing every millimeter of the Earth and speaking it into creation. You, the Lord among all Lords, knowing all. Me, a human, hide from the King?

Lord, why have I run? I know nothing apart from you. You are my portion, my love, my hearts one desire. Why have I run in my greatest time of need?



Lord, why have I fallen. Fallen so far, all seems hopeless. Lord save me. Let your grace catch me, and bring me back to the place I call home.