Alright. So, I was at lunch last Friday right? The bell had rang, and we were all getting up and headed back to class. All of a sudden, I hear "BAND THUD CLUNK" and a see a fellow classmate on the floor, surrounded by boys laughing at him. Now this, straight broke my heart.
God, for one, has really begun to break my heart for the things that break is. He's truly softened my heart, and changed me: which I love. I didnt go help him or anything, because I was honestly too scared. When we went back upstairs and were walkking down the halls, the guys laughing at him were pushing him into the walls. The only thing I said was "Alright guys, lets stop being immature". Thinking back on this, I really wish I would have stepped in and done something. I kept praying for opportunities at school, and I believe that was one I passed up.
We had read a story in AP English about a woman who was stabbed 3 times and killed. But the kicker, was the fact that 38 people witnessed the murder and never called the police. The point of the story, was that becaues so many people saw: they all relied on the other person to call, so they wouldnt have to do it due to fear. That really made me think about Friday, and I think thats how I was. I was expecting someonelse to stand up for him, so I wouldnt have too. But I know God has me at Northwest for a reason: I know he wants me to change it. It was just such a striking moment. I thank God for it, but I also just cant believe I passed it up.
Friday after school, I was standing in the parking lot waiting to leave. Someone from work called me about working that night, so I was on the phone with her. When I looked up, there was a girl stopped in front of me waiting to leave the parking lot. She looked at me, and said "Oh that b****". I was extremely shocked, honestly. Of course it hurt my feelings at first, but then I realized who am I to care what she thinks? Im a child of God. Im smart, beautiful, and forgiven. As I was driving home I was really upset over this, and kept thinking to myself "What did I seriously do to make someone call me that?" As she was pulling into another neighborhood, the person she was driving home flicked me off, and that hurt me as well. I tried my best not to show it, because I had someonelse in the car with me, but I really wanted to cry.
As soon as I got home I started talking to 2 people I know I can trust: Jessica Phillips & Kiersten Jacobs. Love them! They both truly just helped me get through that, and I realized it was just the devil trying to get at me: and after I actually realized it, I calmed down. Because I know who I am, and I know what he was trying to do: he DID NOT suceed :)
As a more positive note on this akward post, I was in 1st period the other day. I overheard my teacher say to another student "I dont know, its just something about this year. It seems less ... stressful. Just something about this year ..." The first thing in my head? Yepp, thats God working at Northwest! How exciting huh?
My school is such a dark place, and I hadnt realized it until this year. I'd always heard it was, but I never noticed it. But now, Im just so ... aware of it. Walking down the hallways, I can feel the demonic presence and its scary. Everyday when I walk down the halls, I have to pray for safety & I ask God to just lead me to people. I know God has amazing things for my school. He's already given me visions; I just cant wait to find the people to help me put those visions into action :)
Wanna die, but I dont. Wanna cry, but I wont. I've come too far to turn back now; I am redeemed my lifes been bought.
You are very in tune to everything. I guess I just perceive differently, but it's a beautiful thing. I'm glad you are being aware of openings and opportunities.
ReplyDeleteThat band kid thing sounds awful. I don't know what I would have done in the situation. I just would have been shocked. That really happens? At my school? I though, for some reason, that kids I see every day aren't as cruel as the ones on television or that I hear about. That's straight up bullying.
Ah, at the moment, I just want to hug you! :D I don't feel like I really SEE you at school. It's a weird perception thing. But, you're awesome, and blessed, and I look up to you. Thanks.