Who am I?

I have 10 minutes to write a blog ... let's see if I can do this and get out what I want! I only have 10 minutes, because I told myself I would start writing my AP paper at 5:00 ... here we go.


Here lately, a lot has been bugging me. Like, a lot has been eating at me. For example, how badly I want to pack up and move back to NC. But I have to keep reminding myself that its all for God. It's so hard though! I've mentioned in another blog how I get those "God wants you to know" things on Facebook. Today, it said something (8 minutes) about me being myself, and putting my guard down. Hmm. I don't know if I've been doing that or not lately.

Quite a few people have been like "Your so ... bipolar. You're nice one moment, but you beat people up the next." I don't know why, but that really bugs me, because I don't think I"m like that. Or I try not to be, anyways. I've noticed that I am, but I don't know if its actually my personality or just me acting a certain way, and I just realized how awful that sounds ... not even knowing my own personality (7).

Also, I have NO girl friends up here /: I mean, I have a few that I talk to, but none that I TALK to. No best girl friends. Like I've said, I prefer having guy friends ... just cause they're chill I guess. But (6) I miss having girl friends to talk to. I was recently backstabbed, and I feel like that's going to hurt my trust with girls, which is just going to be harder for me to make friends. PLUS I'M STILL NEW. This just stinks. Haha, I just thought about this. I do "beat up" guys a lot. Like, not beat up, but hit and punch. I don't know. I like being considered "one of the guys" because I like having guy friends. I feel like girls look at that and think "Slut. She only hangs out with guys." No, not really. I'd rather have a friend (guy) that doesn't judge me, and can treat me like a normal human being, than a friends (girl) who backstabs me, and lies about me but also acts nice to my face. BLAH.

The girl who backstabbed me also said some things about me. It make's me worry that people are going to think differently of me, and less of me. It was truly eating me up ... but I decided that I don't care. Like, (5) if someone really cares about me, or wants to actually get to know me, then they can talk to me themselves. Or ask me if whatever she said is true. I mean, I don't know. People are gonna hate, because they reject the unfamiliar. But I don't know. I've heard a lot of things about myself circling around lately, and I'm like "Woah, do I even know you?" It's kinda sad, actually. That people don't have enough to do that they'll sit around and talk. But (4) I've decided to keep my eyes on Heaven, and what God wants, rather than what I want. He's better. Yeah.


So, I don't know. I guess, in a way, this is defending myself? But also, it's an apology to anyone I've been rude to. I've realized that I do that A LOT and I don't mean too :( It's so hard to find true, honest, good friends. Please, if you're reading this, pray I find who I need. Thanks :)



I praise You, because I am fearfully and wonderfully made. Your works are wonderful, I know that full well- Psalm 139:14.