V#Nt++.

I find it necessary, at times, to express feelings outwardly in a way thats suitable to the soul. For me? That means writing.





Galllly jee, I've been super stressed lately. I've been helping mother prepare, countless times, the house to be looked at. I have an 8-10 page paper due Monday that I've barely started. I've got a party to plan for Saturday. I have to make enough $$$ to pay my bills. But quite frankly, I just feel empty.

For Christmas my Grandma Mckeiver sent me $25 for Barnes & Noble. I bought "The Real Me" by Natalie Grant, and "The Shack" by William Young: both are fantastic books, might I add. I've read them both, and I just love them.


The Real Me, is a "self help" book in a way. It helps girls with struggling self images, much like myself. I always try to pull off that "Nah, I Love the way I look!" attitude. When in reality, its quite the contrary. Anyways, during our fast at church, Selah, I'm going to read through this and The Shack (along with the Bible, of course) to have the Lords word. He has already spoken to me in marvelous ways. I just cant wait to see what happens after Selah. The Lord told me breakthrough was coming. He didn't say who for, but I trust Him that its coming for someone.


Friends ... gah. I have a few bestfriends, but honestly, I've been doubting them lately. I was reading something, I forgot what it was, but it was talking about how the person adressed the Lord as his bestfriend. That truly made me think about my "bestfriends" and how I "base them", if you know what I mean. If the Lord is my bestfriend, and lets say Jim Bobby is my bestfriend, theres a HUGE difference there isn't it? Kinda confusing, but it makes sense in my head. I just realized how much I love the keyboard on my laptop, its superb.


I'm thinking about going to the library after school tomorrow. Last time I went to the library, it was a success. I got a few sources/notes down, and research as well. I seiroulsy just need to get that thing done ... such the procrastinator I am. You'd think that because this is my last paper, and I can't rewrite it, that I would be triyng so hard huh? I'm really not though. I'm just slacking so bad. Part of me is like "Screw it. Its just a paper." but the other half of me is like "Alright look, your already failing the class, dont' make this worse."





You light up my life, with your perfect love.

Though this week has been tough, and its only day 2 of 7, I've seen the Lords light. And I insist on seeing it throughout the week.

Children.

NO, I AM NOT THINKING OF HAVING CHILDREN.





I've really just been led to write about ... children.



I LOVE kids. Like, babies, infants, toddlers: I love them all. Here lately, I've been attending the 9:00 am service at The Refuge, and the 11:00 am service at Concord First Assembly. This past weekend however, I felt led to work in the nursery at The Refuge, as I havn't in quite some time now. So, I did, and it was truly a blessing. There was a boy in the room I worked in named Noah, and oh he was just so precious! He was adorable, and just had such a caring attitude towards the other kids. During worship, he knew EVERY word to EVERY song, and during "How Great is Our God" he had his hands lifted (well, on his knees) in worship. It was so amazing to see a young child worshipping and loving on the same God I worship and love on! It was so powerful!


The same night at work, I was with Julia, Leslie, Corie and Kaylee (some of my faves). We were bored, as usual on a Sunday night, and we made a list of baby names. I dont know why, but we always make lists with our kids names (Oh! Whitney was there too!). So, for whatever reason, I feel like expressing the names we all came up with for my childresn.



They include:

*Saffron Marie, *Adalia Shea, *Ezekiel Blaine, Broderick Shane, Dustin Avery, Carson, Carter, Ashton, Shane, Kaylen Marie, Kaylee, Daelyn Ashe, Dallas, Amery, Layton, Kinsey, McKenna, Katarina, Aiden, Elise, Natalia, Coree, Lyza Kait, Kamryn, Cody Shane, Keneith, Tayler, Tylor, Shiio, Raylen, Kayra, Michale, Mathew, Mykala, Layla, Braxton Lee, Finlee, Myka, Ellie, Krystina, Zoe, Saraya, Kayden, Caden, Cole, Missy, Olivia, Auriel, Julia, Julianna, Gabrielle Michele, Emilia Grace, Mia, Nathan, Janine, Brayla, Rachyl, Darla, Audra, Sandra, Miriam, Kaitlyn, Loraine, Saxra, Lyzzie, Josiah, Seth, Braylen, Clae, Delanie, Delilah, Mikayla, Kayla, Bailey, *Noah James, Hallee, Brianne, Jessie, *Jessalyn Kae, Laura, Lacey, Katee, Laney, Molly, Kara, Reaghan, Myranda, Shara, Mona, Savanah, Sophia, Eryn, Nicolas, Zachary, Colin, Noel, Melanie, Chandler, Chessa, Madisyn, Jacob Daley, Isabella, Nancy, Mailyn, Jaryd, Karaline, Maria, Gianna, Brooke, Kacey, Abby, Naomi, Darah, Railen, Daniel, Amalay, Karyn, Mary Kate, Jase, Dakota Faye, and Rebeka.




The ones with (*'s) are my favorites. I dont know what we were doing, but these were just names that I truly liked. It was funny, because the first 3 names on that list are the names I wanted for my children. Then I had this ENTIRE list of names I love! Like earlier stated, I'm not interested in kids right now (though I LOVE LOVE LOVE them), I just felt led to write about children.





When Jesus saw this, he was indignant. He said to them,
‘Let the little children come to me, and do not hinder them, for the kingdom of God belongs to such as these.’
— Mark 10:14

2011.

Well, its 11:42 pm. The only reason I'm up right now, is because I got off work about an hour ago, and I had to eat dinner. This awful stomach ache of mine just wont go away either, so that always helps.

I really dont see whats so awesome about the new year. I mean, sure: its another year into the future, but still. Everyones like "I LOVE CHANGE!". Well then you shoulda changed 3 weeks ago, ya know?




Blah, anywhooooos.


In 2011, I want to focus on God. I want Him to own every single aspect of my life, and I want EVERYONE to know it. In 2011, I want to be more patient. When I'm drving, while I'm walking around the mall, when people cut me off; I just wanna have more patience with other people. In 2011, I want to bless more people. I want to be able to have God encounters with strangers, and I want to be able to speak to them about how amazingly fantastic the Lord is. In 2011, I wanna figure out the Lords plans for me (if its His will at that time). In 2011, I want God to use me in ways He never has before. In 2011, I want to read the ENTIRE Bible. Maybe not front to cover like that, but jumping around. In 2011, I wanna make more of the right decisions. In 2011, I want to be nicer to those who are rude to me. Well, I just wanna be nicer in general. In 2011, I want to save lives. In 2011, I wanna minister! In 2011, I want to sleep in till 2:00pm. In 2011, I want to see the world change: in a good way. In 2011, I wanna see a new president. In 2011, I want my family to start attending church regularly. Hey, in 2011, I wanna loose weight. In 2011, I want to loose feelings for the boy who has hurt me dearly. In 2011, I wanna raise my GPA tremendously. In 2011, I wanna make my parents proud. In 2011, I wanna pray publicly for every meal, and for any person who asks me to pray for them. In 2011, I wanna save up lotts of money and buy a car. In 2011, I wanna buy an iPhone. In 2011, I wanna go on a missions trip. In 2011, I wanna make new friends. In 2011, I wanna go ice skating. In 2011, I wanna go to a Skillet concert. In 2011, I want to be able to turn away from gossip and wrong decisions. In 2011, I want to be encouragment to those who are fallen. In 2011, I wanna guide the lost. In 2011, I wanna help other. In 2011, I wanna be a leader. In 2011, I wanna play the drums. In 2011, I wanna apply to colleges. In 2011, I wanna see my daddy/Brenda/family in Florida. In 2011, I wanna buy my first rifle. In 2011: yepp, I'm gonna shoot my first deer. In 2011, I'm gonna be at baseball games every Saturday with my uncle.
And in 2011, I'm going to trust God with everything, and give Him the complete and utter attention He deserves. I'm going to give Him my all, and let Him take the reigns.

Listening to the Lord.

So, its 6:58 ... I got off work at 4:00, and went to the mall: man was it packed! It was a complete madhouse, and I was only at Carolina Mall. But what surprised me was how nice people were there. Usually people (including myself) are angry, and stressed at the malls this close to Christmas. Nah, I wasn't.


BUT ANYWAYS, my mom called me and was like "Hey, can you get me some Starbucks? That can be my Christmas present!" (joking), but I got her some anyways. As I was sitting in the drive through line, I heard the Lord speak to me. I looked to my right and saw two woman standing at the bus sign (waiting for the bus ... that sounded akward). I felt led to buy them drinks from Starbucks. I said to the Lord "I really dont have any money ... I just spent hundreds on family ..." But still, I felt the Holy Spirit leading me to buy drinks for them.


When I got up to the window, the guy repeated my order and I asked him if I could please add 2 more drinks to my order. He asked me what kind, and I told him "2 caramel apple ciders please". SO I got the drinks, and pulled around the building. I parked a few feet away from the woman, grabbed the drinks, and headed over there. When I approached them, they started looking at me weird. I looked at them and said "Hey!" One woman just kinda gave me a look like "hmm?" the other lady said "Hi" (she had the "hi" like a "what do you want?")

I said to them: "Well hey, as I was going through the line at Starbucks I felt led by the Lord to buy yall some warm drinks. Yall have got to be cold out here! So its just some caramel apple cider!" They both lightened their moods, and their faces were just priceless! They thanked me a few times, and I told them to have a very Merry Christmas. They told me thank you again, and said Merry Christmas.


As I was turning around to drive home, I saw the bus come to pick them up. It was so PERFECT the timing of the Lord, because I was so afraid after I bought the drinks the bus would be there. But it was perfect, because I was able to give them their drinks right before the bus came :)





As I was walking through the mall earlier, I said "God, I just wanna bless someone". Proven point, God answers prayers :))




You are more than my words will EVER say, Lord.

Why can't you see?

I was driving home for Odell today (I was cheering with the babies today, it was great). As I was driving through one of the numerous intersections I encountered, I couldn't help but notice the expression on my face: EXPRESSIONLESS! The Lord spoke to me and was like "Look around, listen, how can you be expressionless?"


So, of course, I took His word.





I started singing the song I was listening to (I love Your presence), and I started looking at the things all around me, and realizing how awesome the Lord is. It put a smile on my face, thats for sure.


It was someting I needed to share, because I know so many of us (humans) go through our daily lives not noticing what we TRULY have. We have houses, internet, clothes, family, trees that give us air, people to give us love, and life: life more abndantly! I know for a fact that the Lord has given me SO much to be thankful for, and I'll admit, I dont always thank Him for it. But when $$$ comes in, He's the first person I thank/pay. It usually hits me when Im laying in bed what I'm thankfulf or the most, and I thank Him for it as I lay in His arms.



You are good, all the time, and Your love endures forever.


He is good, He is ALWAYS good; even when there is nothing good in us.


OHMYGOSH, I love the Lord.






Joy unspeakable that won't go away, and just enough strength to live for today. So I never have to worry what tomorrow will bring, cause my faith is on solid rock: I am counting on God.

How many of you have I fooled?

So many people have asked me lately: "Arn't you nervous? Are you gonna miss NC? Are youc oming back? Are you even sad?" My only response has been: "No, Im excited." But boy have I lied.


I came home tonight from diner with 2 good friends of mine, to see the "FOR SALE" sign in our yard. Needless to say, it hit me.


IMMA MISS:

THE NORTHWEST CABARRUS TROJAN REGIMENT. Northwest in general. The Refuge. Pastors Eric/Amanda/Porter/Marvin/David/Nathan/Darr. Lets Dance Studio. First Assembly. Vertical. AnnaElyse. Kelsey. Leah. Justin. Tylor. Colin. Austin. Cody. Kayla. Auriel. Julia. Ashley. Shannon. Shaniqua. My big brother, Nicholas McFalls. Jessica. Bekah. BBarb. Northwest guard. Warm weather. Competitions. Verge. Crazy sleepovers. Parades. Inside jokes. Whattaburger. Jay's loud truck @ 10:30pm. Serry Chemon Lundrop. CHICKFILA. Wearing sandals in November. DAN PENTZ! Bekah Efird <3 Rass, & her theatre classes. My pink bedroom. Hanging out with the band geeks/drumline. AP English. Having a pool 300 steps away. North Carolinians. Southern accents. Rednecks. CAMO !$%& My friends. My class. Haley Stewart. Bobbi Jo Rosser, and her house alarms. Band parties. Concord Mills / Northlake. Tsunami. Texas Land & Cattle.

- This isn't even the start of everything.







Dont get me wrong, I cant wait to go. I know its the will of God on my life right now, and I've declared many times: "Let YOUR will be done in my life, not mine." He's letting it be done. Im nervous, Im scared, Im terrified, Im frightened, Im stoked, Im pumped, Im clueless, Im ... emotionally wrecked. But you know what? God'll keep me safe, and I know that. I just cant help but realize how scary this is for me. I mean, everyone asks me: "Your gonna be new, and nobody is gonna know you. Arn't you scared?" I mean, yeah dude. Like I told Colin, Im a short person ... whos gonna wanna talk to the new short girl right? Im sure they'll mistake me as a freshman anyways. But whatever. I've always been a social butterfly, and I hear I have a bright personality: I know God will help me. But Im nervous ... oh so nervous. And anxious ... and sad ... but excited. And prepared, but not emotionally.




January 17th, I'll be saying goodbye to North Carolina.

Psalms, anyone?

I was on Facebook, almost as always. I have an "app" called "God Wants you to Know", and I had a new "message" from God. I always look to see what it says, because 9.6 times out of 10, it always applies to me ... and I truly believe its a way God speaks to me. So I clicked on it, and it said: "God wants you to know that when you do the right thing, it will feel good in your body. Your body never lies. When you feel stress in your body, something is out of balance in your life. Restore the balance, and your body and spirit will reflect the rightness of your spirit". This totally applied to me today! I had an awful day today, and yesterday actually. There's just something about this week thats just tearing me up inside, and angering me. After I read this, I immediately knew that there was something out of balance in my life: my one-on-one time with God.

So I asked Him I said "God, take me somewhere in Your word". I have a Bible app. on my phone, and I use it all the time. (Not that I dont use my paperback version, LOVE IT!) But I felt the Lord lead me to Psalms 18, and so I read the entire tihng. It was funny though, because I have my iPod going right? & the song 84 comes on, which is pretty much a song about Psalms 84. It was so awesome.

So I read all of Psalms 18, and I almost cried. Ok, I teared up a little. The title of the chapter is "The Lord Is My Rock and My Fortress", which just applies to me in so many ways right now. Throughout the chapter, its just praising the Lord for all the good & marvelous things He has done. Here lately, I'll admit, I've just lost a passion. Pastor Jay always says that worship should be at the center of everytihng we do, and that just hasn't been happening for me lately. But after reading Psalms 18, it really just made me think.

Psalms 18:4 'The cords of death encompassed me; the torrents of destruction assailed me; (5)the cords of Sheol entangled me; the snares of death confronted me. (6)In my distress I called upon the Lord; to my God I cried for help. From His temple He heard my voice, and my cry to Him reached his ears.' - He hears me when I cry out to Him. No matter my circumstance, no matter what I have done: He hears me, and He responds to me.

Psalms 18:16 'He sent from on high, He took me; He drew me out of many waters. (17)He rescued me from my strong enemy and from those who hated me, for they were too mighty for me. (18) They confronted me in the day of my calamity, but the Lord was my support. (19)He brought me out into a broad place; He rescued me, because He delighted in me"- The Lord, THE ONE AND ONLY LORD, delights in me. When I called out to Him, on that cold September night in 2006, He reached out and began a work in me: because He delights in me, and loves me just that much.

Psalms 18:31-42 'For who is GOd, but the Lord? And who is a rock, except our God? The God who equipped me with strength and made my way blameless. He made my feet like the feet of a deer and set me secure on the heights. He trains my hands for war, so that my arms can bend a bow of bronze. You have given me the shield of your salvation, and your right hand supported me, and your gentleness made me great. You gave a wide place for my steps under me, and my feet did not slip. I pursued my enemies and overtook them, and did not turn back till they were consumed. I thrust them through, so that they were not able to rise; they fell under my feet. For you equipped me with strength for the battle; you made those who rise against me sink under me. You made my enemies turn their backs to me, and those who hated me I destroyed. They cried for help, but there was none to save; they cried to the Lord, but He did not answer them. I beat them fine as dust before the wind; I cast them out like the mire of the streets." - The Lord gives me strength. He holds me firm, and keeps me steady. He gives me salvation, mercy, grace, love, patience, kindness, endurance, and so many other things.


MY GOD, IS AN AWESOME GOD. I love Him. Yes, I love my Lord with everything I am. I will raise a banner up in Jesus name, I will be love lit on fire. I will let the Holy Spirit burn on the inside. I'll be color to the black&gray, I will be clay in the potters hand: and I will be light in a darkened land.