Freedom: its here.

"Where the spirit of the Lord is, there is freedom. Freedom reigns in this place. Showers of mercy and grace. Falling on every face, there is freedom".

There were points in time a few years back when I thought I'd acheived freedom from the things the devil used to bind me up: turns out, I never did. If you've read my "Thats What Verge Can Do" post, then you know a little about how I was set free.

I had my heart broken in June of '09. I dealt with that, for about 2 years & duringg those 2 years I did so many things I knew were wrong. I was always angry, always lashing out at the ones I loved and treasured. I was doing impure things with guys I knew didnt care about me, and I was just trying to fill the void in my heart where that boy had once been. At first when it happened, I was just in shock. I honestly never thought that situation would happen to me. But also, I wasn't in a very good relationship with God. I was one of those "Sunday & Wednesday worshipers". Never read the Word, never prayed, never worshiped outside of church: & I thought I was good to go - NOOOOOPE.

So after my heart was broken, I kept asking God: "Why? I thought you cared. Can't you see Im in pain? Im obviously calling out for you, why wont You help me?" I was in so much pain, it made me backslide more than anything. My sophmore year in highschool was tough for me. Because I'd acted like I was healed, and I was free: but I knew in my heart I truly wasn't. I passed up so many opportunities to meet with the Lord, all because I wouldnt trust Him anymore. I had put my trust in a boy who I had thought was strong in the Lord (not that he isn't now, he just wasn't then). And after that ended, I just blamed God for everything. Because I had my trust in the wrong person, for one. And two, I didnt even have a right relationship with him.

But at Verge, when I was freed, I stopped asking Him why it happened & started praising Him and actually thanking Him that it happened. If God wouldnt have let me go through something like that, I know I would not be where I am now. Im happy, Im secure in who I am, and Im in an amazing relationship with my Father.

At Vertical last night Porter was talking about how we always ask God "Why?" & how we try to figure Him out. Like Porter said, God created us: theres no reason we should try to figure Him out: HE KNOWS WHAT HE'S DOING! Its just funny, because I catch myself diong that alot. Whenever I dont understand something, I'll just ask Him why. But now Im starting to just say: "Ok, if its Your will let it be done Father". Last night also, the worship band started out playing one of my FAVORITE worship songs "Holding Nothing Back" by Melissa How. I'd used to jump around to it, and sing real real loud to it: but last night I just actually felt it. Like I said, I'd never been free before until after Verge. Last night that song truly hit me, and the words really spoke to me. Here are the lyrics:

I am chosen, I am free. I am Living for eternity. Free now forever.
You picked me up, turned me around. You set my feet on solid ground. Yours now forever.
And nothing’s gonna hold me back. Nothing’s gonna hold me back. Nothing’s gonna hold me back
My chains fell off My heart was free, I’m alive to live for you. I’m alive to live for you. Amazing Love, how can it be? You give everything for me, You give everything for me Everything.
You washed my sin and shame away, The slate is clean: a brand new day, Free now forever. Now boldly I approach your throne, To claim this crown through christ my own, Yours now forever. And nothing’s gonna hold me back, Nothing’s gonna hold me back, Nothing’s gonna hold me back: My chains fell off My heart was free, I’m alive to live for you, I’m alive to live for you. Amazing Love, how can it be? You give everything for me, You give everything for me.
I’m free to live, Free to give, Free to beI’m free to love you.

Thats a condensed version of it, but do you see the point? The words really just hit me like a water gun: it was so powerful! Man oh man did the Spirit wash over me then :)



But after worship, Porter went back on stage and looked extremely dissapointed. I was hoping he was dissapionted at the same thing I was: which was the fact that some students stood there with their arms crossed. Yes, he was upset about that too. He said it as well. And once he started talking about it, the Spirit overtook me again and I started balling my eyes out. Thats when I decided: Im going to make the love of Christ known to everyone, no matter what it takes. I was weeping for the students who didnt know Jesus's love: its the most amazing thing in the world! I just couldnt believe it actually. That God would lay something like that on me. I truly believe now, that Im going to be able to use my testimony to not only save girls lives, but also to help them find the love of Christ: and that, is my dream.





"& now Im free to live, free to give, free to be Im free to love you. My chains fell off my heart was FREE, Im alive to live for You: Im alive to live for You. Amazing love how can it be? You gave EVERYTHING for me, You gave EVERYTHING for me".