Tonight, was rough. I've really been dealing with a lot lately, and SO MANY attacks from the enemy. So I was sitting in my bathroom, in a ball, crying: for about a half hour. So I decided to call Zach and just vent, so I did. He calmed me down, and I hung up the phone. I got up to go downstairs, and I happened to catch a glimpse of myself in the mirror, and I did not like what I saw.
My face was extremely red, and there were huge bags under my eyes. It made me realize that I wasn't made to be that hurt, that heartbroken from the enemy and from this world. So I spent a few minutes just saying positive things to myself in the mirror. I would remind myself that God was my strenght, I was beautiful, God knew His plans for me, He always helps me, and so on and so forth. It was so helpful, and it helped me step out of the depression the enemy continuously tries to slip me into. I know this was a simple post, but I'm slowly progressing...I repeat, slowly.
(My most recent "go to" saying) Strength will rise as we wait upon the Lord.
Tuesday, June 21, 2011
Friday, June 17, 2011
Part Deux.
In my previous post (PG-M), I expressed my concern about myself and my walk. Well, I'm happy to say that I'm on a track to fixing it. I sat here listening to Needtobreathe, Hillsong, and Kim Walker, and cried my eyes out for a good 30-45 minutes, all to come to the conclusion that God is saving me from pain.
As I stated in the other blog, I was putting my identity in Zach. Well, I texted my amazing friend/mentor Bekah, and talked to her for awhile about the situation, and she really helped me. I told her how I felt EXTREMELY distant from God, and that I was hurting and in pain. She said to me "Tell God happy fathers day, thank Him for everything He's done for you, and ask Him what He wants to say to you", so I did. He said to me, "I love you, and this will all work out". I told this to Bekah, and she confirmed it (so, I know I wasn't making it up. Haha.) Though it's hard to accept, I don't know what God means by "it'll work out". That could mean that Zach and I will work out, or not. Though I'm hoping thats what it means, I still am not positive.
I was going to take off of Facebook until Zach got back on the 26th, but got back on due to Bekah and God. I read a friends status on Facebook, and it just spoke to me. I feel an overwhelming peace right now, and I know that's the peace that God brings: and only God can bring. I know that today is today, and tomorrow is tomorrow. I'm scared for tomorrow, and I'm scared for what could happen. But I know God is going to give me strength through this, and is going to help me and supply me with everything that I need.
Jeremiah 29:11 "For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord. Plans to prosper you, and not to harm you."
I could still use as much prayer as possible, as this summer is going to be tough for me. So please, keep me in your prayers blogee's. Gracias, and blessings.
As I stated in the other blog, I was putting my identity in Zach. Well, I texted my amazing friend/mentor Bekah, and talked to her for awhile about the situation, and she really helped me. I told her how I felt EXTREMELY distant from God, and that I was hurting and in pain. She said to me "Tell God happy fathers day, thank Him for everything He's done for you, and ask Him what He wants to say to you", so I did. He said to me, "I love you, and this will all work out". I told this to Bekah, and she confirmed it (so, I know I wasn't making it up. Haha.) Though it's hard to accept, I don't know what God means by "it'll work out". That could mean that Zach and I will work out, or not. Though I'm hoping thats what it means, I still am not positive.
I was going to take off of Facebook until Zach got back on the 26th, but got back on due to Bekah and God. I read a friends status on Facebook, and it just spoke to me. I feel an overwhelming peace right now, and I know that's the peace that God brings: and only God can bring. I know that today is today, and tomorrow is tomorrow. I'm scared for tomorrow, and I'm scared for what could happen. But I know God is going to give me strength through this, and is going to help me and supply me with everything that I need.
Jeremiah 29:11 "For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord. Plans to prosper you, and not to harm you."
I could still use as much prayer as possible, as this summer is going to be tough for me. So please, keep me in your prayers blogee's. Gracias, and blessings.
PG-M.
PG-M, for mature adults.
Today is Friday, June 17th, and I have a confession: I'm not as strong as I may seem. A lot of people may say that, but I'm really not. Here lately, I've fallen far from where I should be. In earlier posts, and as seen on Facebook, for 3 months I was in a relationship with someone whom I truly loved. After feeling conviction, we broke up. We're still close, and talk everyday, but I didn't understand why we needed to break up, or why I was feeling so much conviction. So I was just creeping through Twitter one day, and pulled up a website my old youth pastor had posted. It was 10 reasons why you shouldn't be dating the person your with. Out of the 10 reasons, 2 stood out to me. One of them said something like "Because you don't want to, because you're afraid of being alone, and you had your identity in them", and the other "Because God said so". So, yeah. I realized that I have my identity in Zach, because without him, I'm afraid I'll be nothing. As he is in Europe right now, I'm taking this time to re-define myself in God, and realize who I truly am. I know that I want this to happen so Zach and I can become a couple agian, but I also need this for me. I don't want to be reliant on someonelse again. I was for the longest time, and I cannot stand to be in that place again.
When I lived in NC, Hayley Stewart was my mentor for a little while. She let me borrow a book (sorry I haven't given it back yet!) by Bob Hartley titled "The ABC's to Prayer". It has every letter of the alphabet, followed by verses stating things about God. Its actually realllllllly sweet. In the beginning, it has the ACTS of prayer: adoration, confession, thanksgiving, and supplication. I've never really believed in these ways of praying, because I remember recieving something like this in 7th grade, and looking back on it I think it was very religious. But after praying through that "way of prayer", it was so so so so helpful. In the T part of the prayer, it said something like "Those who have trouble hearing the voice of God, or have trouble entering his presence, are skipping out on the confession" (I replaced some words for easier understanding). But it really made me think, and has really been helping me, just reading through this and my Bible. My current youth pastor also gave me a simple devotional book that's been helping as well.
To be honest, it's been so hard for me right now to relocate myself in God's world, if you will. I read a Tweet by Lecrae today that says "Be careful when you find you're only thinking, praying, & living for yourself. A selfish lifestyle is a Satanic lifestyle". That really convicted me as well. I can straight up admit that I was doing this for Zach, and because I wanted to get back with him. I wanted to fix things with God, and get right back with Zach. Now knowing the intentions of my heart, I've been able to pray through these and attempt to get things right. Though I'll admit, my heart isn't 100% focused on God right now, I know that I will make it where I need to be. Because His burden is lite, and I know that when I draw near to Him, He will draw near to me, and He will supply and help me.
The Lord is my light and salvation. Whom shall I fear? Whom shall I be afraid?
Today is Friday, June 17th, and I have a confession: I'm not as strong as I may seem. A lot of people may say that, but I'm really not. Here lately, I've fallen far from where I should be. In earlier posts, and as seen on Facebook, for 3 months I was in a relationship with someone whom I truly loved. After feeling conviction, we broke up. We're still close, and talk everyday, but I didn't understand why we needed to break up, or why I was feeling so much conviction. So I was just creeping through Twitter one day, and pulled up a website my old youth pastor had posted. It was 10 reasons why you shouldn't be dating the person your with. Out of the 10 reasons, 2 stood out to me. One of them said something like "Because you don't want to, because you're afraid of being alone, and you had your identity in them", and the other "Because God said so". So, yeah. I realized that I have my identity in Zach, because without him, I'm afraid I'll be nothing. As he is in Europe right now, I'm taking this time to re-define myself in God, and realize who I truly am. I know that I want this to happen so Zach and I can become a couple agian, but I also need this for me. I don't want to be reliant on someonelse again. I was for the longest time, and I cannot stand to be in that place again.
When I lived in NC, Hayley Stewart was my mentor for a little while. She let me borrow a book (sorry I haven't given it back yet!) by Bob Hartley titled "The ABC's to Prayer". It has every letter of the alphabet, followed by verses stating things about God. Its actually realllllllly sweet. In the beginning, it has the ACTS of prayer: adoration, confession, thanksgiving, and supplication. I've never really believed in these ways of praying, because I remember recieving something like this in 7th grade, and looking back on it I think it was very religious. But after praying through that "way of prayer", it was so so so so helpful. In the T part of the prayer, it said something like "Those who have trouble hearing the voice of God, or have trouble entering his presence, are skipping out on the confession" (I replaced some words for easier understanding). But it really made me think, and has really been helping me, just reading through this and my Bible. My current youth pastor also gave me a simple devotional book that's been helping as well.
To be honest, it's been so hard for me right now to relocate myself in God's world, if you will. I read a Tweet by Lecrae today that says "Be careful when you find you're only thinking, praying, & living for yourself. A selfish lifestyle is a Satanic lifestyle". That really convicted me as well. I can straight up admit that I was doing this for Zach, and because I wanted to get back with him. I wanted to fix things with God, and get right back with Zach. Now knowing the intentions of my heart, I've been able to pray through these and attempt to get things right. Though I'll admit, my heart isn't 100% focused on God right now, I know that I will make it where I need to be. Because His burden is lite, and I know that when I draw near to Him, He will draw near to me, and He will supply and help me.
The Lord is my light and salvation. Whom shall I fear? Whom shall I be afraid?
Tuesday, June 7, 2011
CNN HLN NWS.
I was driving home from cheer today, and this awesome idea popped into my head: I was going to watch CNN HLN and pray for every headline (incase you don't know what CNN HLN is, it stands for CNN headline news). So, I'm sitting here now watching HLN, and, of course, they're talking about the Casey Anthony trial. So I'm praying that God's will be done with this situation. Only He, Caylee, Casey, George, and the grandmother truly know what happened. I'm just hoping justice is seved.
I just thought it was a cool idea, because I never really know what to pray for exactly when it comes to our nation. I mean, I can pray for our nation as a whole, but I feel like HLN is the channel to watch and pray for. Yeppp.
Well, hopefully some of you readers will take this up. Just a thought. It's interesting, and fun :)
I just thought it was a cool idea, because I never really know what to pray for exactly when it comes to our nation. I mean, I can pray for our nation as a whole, but I feel like HLN is the channel to watch and pray for. Yeppp.
Well, hopefully some of you readers will take this up. Just a thought. It's interesting, and fun :)
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