PG-M.

PG-M, for mature adults.




Today is Friday, June 17th, and I have a confession: I'm not as strong as I may seem. A lot of people may say that, but I'm really not. Here lately, I've fallen far from where I should be. In earlier posts, and as seen on Facebook, for 3 months I was in a relationship with someone whom I truly loved. After feeling conviction, we broke up. We're still close, and talk everyday, but I didn't understand why we needed to break up, or why I was feeling so much conviction. So I was just creeping through Twitter one day, and pulled up a website my old youth pastor had posted. It was 10 reasons why you shouldn't be dating the person your with. Out of the 10 reasons, 2 stood out to me. One of them said something like "Because you don't want to, because you're afraid of being alone, and you had your identity in them", and the other "Because God said so". So, yeah. I realized that I have my identity in Zach, because without him, I'm afraid I'll be nothing. As he is in Europe right now, I'm taking this time to re-define myself in God, and realize who I truly am. I know that I want this to happen so Zach and I can become a couple agian, but I also need this for me. I don't want to be reliant on someonelse again. I was for the longest time, and I cannot stand to be in that place again.

When I lived in NC, Hayley Stewart was my mentor for a little while. She let me borrow a book (sorry I haven't given it back yet!) by Bob Hartley titled "The ABC's to Prayer". It has every letter of the alphabet, followed by verses stating things about God. Its actually realllllllly sweet. In the beginning, it has the ACTS of prayer: adoration, confession, thanksgiving, and supplication. I've never really believed in these ways of praying, because I remember recieving something like this in 7th grade, and looking back on it I think it was very religious. But after praying through that "way of prayer", it was so so so so helpful. In the T part of the prayer, it said something like "Those who have trouble hearing the voice of God, or have trouble entering his presence, are skipping out on the confession" (I replaced some words for easier understanding). But it really made me think, and has really been helping me, just reading through this and my Bible. My current youth pastor also gave me a simple devotional book that's been helping as well.

To be honest, it's been so hard for me right now to relocate myself in God's world, if you will. I read a Tweet by Lecrae today that says "Be careful when you find you're only thinking, praying, & living for yourself. A selfish lifestyle is a Satanic lifestyle". That really convicted me as well. I can straight up admit that I was doing this for Zach, and because I wanted to get back with him. I wanted to fix things with God, and get right back with Zach. Now knowing the intentions of my heart, I've been able to pray through these and attempt to get things right. Though I'll admit, my heart isn't 100% focused on God right now, I know that I will make it where I need to be. Because His burden is lite, and I know that when I draw near to Him, He will draw near to me, and He will supply and help me.




The Lord is my light and salvation. Whom shall I fear? Whom shall I be afraid?