James.

I am in love with a man name James.

I've been dealing with many struggles lately. I haven't felt worthy enough of God. I haven't felt pretty or thin enough. I felt like I wasn't doing enough for God daily. I felt like I wasn't where God wanted me. I was sad, lonely, angry, depressed, jealous, envious, self ambitious, prideful, arrogant, and judgemental. I was quickly angered, and rude. I'm getting out of these, thank God, and tonight was the awesome start to it.

A couple days ago, Zach came over to watch some movies with me. We were sitting downstairs, and after watching The Hunchback of Notre Dame with my sister, we had a "serious talk". I told him about how I was still sad, and angry and confused as to why I was suffering so much. He said something along the lines of "I don't want this to sound mean, but I hope you start your period soon." It made me laugh, honestly, because I get extremely moody when it comes to my period, so y'all girls understand me there ;) I really didn't think that the past couple weeks of me being so miserable could possibly be my period, and I believe it partially was. As soon as I started my period, I was like "relieved" and didn't feel as miserable. (Sorry to bring up the P word, boys).

This morning I was ecstatic to go to church, because I think I've finally found my new church in Michigan :) But anyways, I got to church and worshiped and prayed, and as pastor James (OHMYGOSH. Pastor James...blog title James...just hit me.) began his message, it was just amazing. He preached on lying today, and how to overcome it. He gave 10 examples of how we lie, and how we could overcome that. He started off with identifying them, then listing 10. After I left service, I came home to find out my stepdad left the house for another business trip, and I was home alone. For the past couple weeks, I have been afraid to be alone, because the feelings of depression and sadness would come back to me. But yesterday, I decided that I wasn't going to give into that anymore (I kinda figured thats why I started my period...the devil was tired of trying since I had decided that I wasn't giving in anymore. Booya sucka.) Just lost my train of thought...crapdoodles. OH. So when I got home today, I was ok with being alone. I talked to Zach for a bit, took a nap, watched some tv, cleeaned up some, and it was good. But when I woke up from my nap, I was getting those feelings again because I kept giving in.
I saw my Bible sitting on my bed, and decided I was going to shower, then sit and read for a bit. Before I got in the shower, my mom and I kinda got in a tiff about something wtih cheerleading, and it kinda upset me. So as I got in the shower, I prayed. I actually prayed the entire time I was in the shower, and I asked God to lead me to a place in the Bible to read tonight: and He led me to James.
To be honest, I always doubt a little when I feel like I hear God speak...but it always turns out to be Him, so I need to stop that. But anyways, for those of you who haven't read James, its only 5 chapters, and it's amazing. Like, I use that term lightly a lot, but these 5 chapters really spoke to EVERY area that I asked God to help me in tonight. It talks about judging people, being arrogant, lying, slandering, boasting others in faith, being doers of the Word, being humble, resisting the devil, and drawing near to God. Like, I just couldn't have asked for a better chapter to have read right then and there...twas awesome!

As soon as I started reading, this verse stuck out to me: "Let the believer who is lowly boast in being raised up" (9). It really did help me believe that God cares about my troubles and sufferigns, and though I feel like He may not be here, I sitll know He is and cares. He wouldn't have spoken to me if He didn't care.

I almost just said it would be difficult for me to overcome this. But it won't, because I've done it before, and I know God is faithful to complete what He has started in me. He doesn't give us more than we can handle, and He sticks closer than a brother in our hardest times.




Man. It's just a good night.
What if Your blessings come through rain drops? What if Your healings come through tears? What if 1,000 sleepless nights is what it takes to know Your here? What if trials of this life are your mercies in disguise?
Laura Story.


Be blessed.

Oh, if y'all wanna pray for me that'd be awesome! Thank you for reaing guys, it means a lot. Love you alllllll!