In my previous post (PG-M), I expressed my concern about myself and my walk. Well, I'm happy to say that I'm on a track to fixing it. I sat here listening to Needtobreathe, Hillsong, and Kim Walker, and cried my eyes out for a good 30-45 minutes, all to come to the conclusion that God is saving me from pain.
As I stated in the other blog, I was putting my identity in Zach. Well, I texted my amazing friend/mentor Bekah, and talked to her for awhile about the situation, and she really helped me. I told her how I felt EXTREMELY distant from God, and that I was hurting and in pain. She said to me "Tell God happy fathers day, thank Him for everything He's done for you, and ask Him what He wants to say to you", so I did. He said to me, "I love you, and this will all work out". I told this to Bekah, and she confirmed it (so, I know I wasn't making it up. Haha.) Though it's hard to accept, I don't know what God means by "it'll work out". That could mean that Zach and I will work out, or not. Though I'm hoping thats what it means, I still am not positive.
I was going to take off of Facebook until Zach got back on the 26th, but got back on due to Bekah and God. I read a friends status on Facebook, and it just spoke to me. I feel an overwhelming peace right now, and I know that's the peace that God brings: and only God can bring. I know that today is today, and tomorrow is tomorrow. I'm scared for tomorrow, and I'm scared for what could happen. But I know God is going to give me strength through this, and is going to help me and supply me with everything that I need.
Jeremiah 29:11 "For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord. Plans to prosper you, and not to harm you."
I could still use as much prayer as possible, as this summer is going to be tough for me. So please, keep me in your prayers blogee's. Gracias, and blessings.
Friday, June 17, 2011
PG-M.
PG-M, for mature adults.
Today is Friday, June 17th, and I have a confession: I'm not as strong as I may seem. A lot of people may say that, but I'm really not. Here lately, I've fallen far from where I should be. In earlier posts, and as seen on Facebook, for 3 months I was in a relationship with someone whom I truly loved. After feeling conviction, we broke up. We're still close, and talk everyday, but I didn't understand why we needed to break up, or why I was feeling so much conviction. So I was just creeping through Twitter one day, and pulled up a website my old youth pastor had posted. It was 10 reasons why you shouldn't be dating the person your with. Out of the 10 reasons, 2 stood out to me. One of them said something like "Because you don't want to, because you're afraid of being alone, and you had your identity in them", and the other "Because God said so". So, yeah. I realized that I have my identity in Zach, because without him, I'm afraid I'll be nothing. As he is in Europe right now, I'm taking this time to re-define myself in God, and realize who I truly am. I know that I want this to happen so Zach and I can become a couple agian, but I also need this for me. I don't want to be reliant on someonelse again. I was for the longest time, and I cannot stand to be in that place again.
When I lived in NC, Hayley Stewart was my mentor for a little while. She let me borrow a book (sorry I haven't given it back yet!) by Bob Hartley titled "The ABC's to Prayer". It has every letter of the alphabet, followed by verses stating things about God. Its actually realllllllly sweet. In the beginning, it has the ACTS of prayer: adoration, confession, thanksgiving, and supplication. I've never really believed in these ways of praying, because I remember recieving something like this in 7th grade, and looking back on it I think it was very religious. But after praying through that "way of prayer", it was so so so so helpful. In the T part of the prayer, it said something like "Those who have trouble hearing the voice of God, or have trouble entering his presence, are skipping out on the confession" (I replaced some words for easier understanding). But it really made me think, and has really been helping me, just reading through this and my Bible. My current youth pastor also gave me a simple devotional book that's been helping as well.
To be honest, it's been so hard for me right now to relocate myself in God's world, if you will. I read a Tweet by Lecrae today that says "Be careful when you find you're only thinking, praying, & living for yourself. A selfish lifestyle is a Satanic lifestyle". That really convicted me as well. I can straight up admit that I was doing this for Zach, and because I wanted to get back with him. I wanted to fix things with God, and get right back with Zach. Now knowing the intentions of my heart, I've been able to pray through these and attempt to get things right. Though I'll admit, my heart isn't 100% focused on God right now, I know that I will make it where I need to be. Because His burden is lite, and I know that when I draw near to Him, He will draw near to me, and He will supply and help me.
The Lord is my light and salvation. Whom shall I fear? Whom shall I be afraid?
Today is Friday, June 17th, and I have a confession: I'm not as strong as I may seem. A lot of people may say that, but I'm really not. Here lately, I've fallen far from where I should be. In earlier posts, and as seen on Facebook, for 3 months I was in a relationship with someone whom I truly loved. After feeling conviction, we broke up. We're still close, and talk everyday, but I didn't understand why we needed to break up, or why I was feeling so much conviction. So I was just creeping through Twitter one day, and pulled up a website my old youth pastor had posted. It was 10 reasons why you shouldn't be dating the person your with. Out of the 10 reasons, 2 stood out to me. One of them said something like "Because you don't want to, because you're afraid of being alone, and you had your identity in them", and the other "Because God said so". So, yeah. I realized that I have my identity in Zach, because without him, I'm afraid I'll be nothing. As he is in Europe right now, I'm taking this time to re-define myself in God, and realize who I truly am. I know that I want this to happen so Zach and I can become a couple agian, but I also need this for me. I don't want to be reliant on someonelse again. I was for the longest time, and I cannot stand to be in that place again.
When I lived in NC, Hayley Stewart was my mentor for a little while. She let me borrow a book (sorry I haven't given it back yet!) by Bob Hartley titled "The ABC's to Prayer". It has every letter of the alphabet, followed by verses stating things about God. Its actually realllllllly sweet. In the beginning, it has the ACTS of prayer: adoration, confession, thanksgiving, and supplication. I've never really believed in these ways of praying, because I remember recieving something like this in 7th grade, and looking back on it I think it was very religious. But after praying through that "way of prayer", it was so so so so helpful. In the T part of the prayer, it said something like "Those who have trouble hearing the voice of God, or have trouble entering his presence, are skipping out on the confession" (I replaced some words for easier understanding). But it really made me think, and has really been helping me, just reading through this and my Bible. My current youth pastor also gave me a simple devotional book that's been helping as well.
To be honest, it's been so hard for me right now to relocate myself in God's world, if you will. I read a Tweet by Lecrae today that says "Be careful when you find you're only thinking, praying, & living for yourself. A selfish lifestyle is a Satanic lifestyle". That really convicted me as well. I can straight up admit that I was doing this for Zach, and because I wanted to get back with him. I wanted to fix things with God, and get right back with Zach. Now knowing the intentions of my heart, I've been able to pray through these and attempt to get things right. Though I'll admit, my heart isn't 100% focused on God right now, I know that I will make it where I need to be. Because His burden is lite, and I know that when I draw near to Him, He will draw near to me, and He will supply and help me.
The Lord is my light and salvation. Whom shall I fear? Whom shall I be afraid?
Tuesday, June 7, 2011
CNN HLN NWS.
I was driving home from cheer today, and this awesome idea popped into my head: I was going to watch CNN HLN and pray for every headline (incase you don't know what CNN HLN is, it stands for CNN headline news). So, I'm sitting here now watching HLN, and, of course, they're talking about the Casey Anthony trial. So I'm praying that God's will be done with this situation. Only He, Caylee, Casey, George, and the grandmother truly know what happened. I'm just hoping justice is seved.
I just thought it was a cool idea, because I never really know what to pray for exactly when it comes to our nation. I mean, I can pray for our nation as a whole, but I feel like HLN is the channel to watch and pray for. Yeppp.
Well, hopefully some of you readers will take this up. Just a thought. It's interesting, and fun :)
I just thought it was a cool idea, because I never really know what to pray for exactly when it comes to our nation. I mean, I can pray for our nation as a whole, but I feel like HLN is the channel to watch and pray for. Yeppp.
Well, hopefully some of you readers will take this up. Just a thought. It's interesting, and fun :)
Monday, May 30, 2011
18.28
I just don't know what to title these anymore. I give up.
It's currently 10:40 on Memorial Day of 2010, and I'm sitting in bed. See, our air conditioning is broken, causing me not to be able to sleep. It makes me wonder what its like for those in other countries who don't even have homes...I've had a lot of realizations this weekend. I went to the lake with Zach & his family, and I had too much fun. It felt really nice to just get out and go somewhere besides Jackson...ew. But I just had a lot of things just hit me all at once. I don't know if I'll be exposing them all, due to some of the folks that read this, but just a lot of things came to mind.
I'd been struggling a lot with my weight, and I feel like it's coming back. Hmph. Flippping summertime $%^%^&* If y'all could pray for that, that'd be AMAZING.
I'm also starting my cheerleading workouts, which have been to good for me. They seem to be getting me in good shape, and I just love it. We run a mile at every practice, then we stretch for about 30-40 minutes, do our jumps/heel stretches/chants, then we stunt/tumble, depending on the days, then we done. It's so much fun, because our new coach is BEYOND strict, and I just love it. She's an amazing coach. Oh, prayer for that would be majorly appreciated as well. It's gonna cost a lot, and I'm pretty sure I'll be making the team (crossing fingers).
Along wtih colorguard. I made the guard a couple weeks ago. We haven't done anything with it, but I made it. Prayer as well for that please. I think it'll be a couple hundred, considering I HAVE TO play clarinet anyways next year. That's one of the things I'm not so fond of with Western bands. Band class is a full year long, and I have to play my instrument 2nd semester. UGH!@#$%^& Oh, prayer for a job as well please. That'd be fantasticcccc.
I just miss Northwest, and I really miss the swing of things. Everything made sense, and worked out perfectly. But I'm done complaining...for now.
I'm so thankful for Memorial Day. I Love that we have veterans. To be honest, I never really thought about them until this year. I have America at War 5th hour, and just being in that class this year has TRULY opened my eyes. I love it, and am so glad that we have soldiers willing to give their lives for our country. My heart is forever grateful < 3
Yepp. Well, I'm hott and I don't feel good. I think I'll try and go to sleep now. Let's see how this goes. BLAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH.
Oh, please pray for my spiritual growth as well if your reading this and decide to pray for me about stuff...it'd be so so so appreciated. :)
Mathew 16:13 "Now when Jesus came into the district of Caesarea Philippi, he asked his disciples, "Who do people say that the Son of Man is?" And they said, "Some say John the Baptist, but others Elijah, and still others Jeremiah or one of the prophets." He said to them, "But who do you say that I am?" Simpon Peter answered, "You are the Messiah, the Son of the living God." And Jesus answered him, "Blessed are you, Simon son of Jonah! For flesh and blood has not revealed this to you, but my Father in heaven. And I tell you, you are Peter, and on this rock I will build my church, and the gates of Hades will not prevail against it."
It's currently 10:40 on Memorial Day of 2010, and I'm sitting in bed. See, our air conditioning is broken, causing me not to be able to sleep. It makes me wonder what its like for those in other countries who don't even have homes...I've had a lot of realizations this weekend. I went to the lake with Zach & his family, and I had too much fun. It felt really nice to just get out and go somewhere besides Jackson...ew. But I just had a lot of things just hit me all at once. I don't know if I'll be exposing them all, due to some of the folks that read this, but just a lot of things came to mind.
I'd been struggling a lot with my weight, and I feel like it's coming back. Hmph. Flippping summertime $%^%^&* If y'all could pray for that, that'd be AMAZING.
I'm also starting my cheerleading workouts, which have been to good for me. They seem to be getting me in good shape, and I just love it. We run a mile at every practice, then we stretch for about 30-40 minutes, do our jumps/heel stretches/chants, then we stunt/tumble, depending on the days, then we done. It's so much fun, because our new coach is BEYOND strict, and I just love it. She's an amazing coach. Oh, prayer for that would be majorly appreciated as well. It's gonna cost a lot, and I'm pretty sure I'll be making the team (crossing fingers).
Along wtih colorguard. I made the guard a couple weeks ago. We haven't done anything with it, but I made it. Prayer as well for that please. I think it'll be a couple hundred, considering I HAVE TO play clarinet anyways next year. That's one of the things I'm not so fond of with Western bands. Band class is a full year long, and I have to play my instrument 2nd semester. UGH!@#$%^& Oh, prayer for a job as well please. That'd be fantasticcccc.
I just miss Northwest, and I really miss the swing of things. Everything made sense, and worked out perfectly. But I'm done complaining...for now.
I'm so thankful for Memorial Day. I Love that we have veterans. To be honest, I never really thought about them until this year. I have America at War 5th hour, and just being in that class this year has TRULY opened my eyes. I love it, and am so glad that we have soldiers willing to give their lives for our country. My heart is forever grateful < 3
Yepp. Well, I'm hott and I don't feel good. I think I'll try and go to sleep now. Let's see how this goes. BLAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH.
Oh, please pray for my spiritual growth as well if your reading this and decide to pray for me about stuff...it'd be so so so appreciated. :)
Mathew 16:13 "Now when Jesus came into the district of Caesarea Philippi, he asked his disciples, "Who do people say that the Son of Man is?" And they said, "Some say John the Baptist, but others Elijah, and still others Jeremiah or one of the prophets." He said to them, "But who do you say that I am?" Simpon Peter answered, "You are the Messiah, the Son of the living God." And Jesus answered him, "Blessed are you, Simon son of Jonah! For flesh and blood has not revealed this to you, but my Father in heaven. And I tell you, you are Peter, and on this rock I will build my church, and the gates of Hades will not prevail against it."
Saturday, May 14, 2011
106
I've come to the realization that I can't please everyone.
I mean, I'm not a "people pleaser", persay. But I never EVER wanna give someone a reason to hate me. So, I don't know what exactly you would call me ... but I just don't like people hating me, and I just wanna make people happy. But last night at work, it truly hit me, that no matter how nice I am to people, they can still hate you for no apparent reason.
I'm pretty much always nice to the people I work with (minus Jorge & Ricardo, but ya know.) and last night, I heard one of the other girls just gossiping like it was her job right in earshot of me. She probably did it on purpose, but what bothers me is that she was acting fine when she came back up: that's one thing I absolutely can't stand. If you're gonna sin, and gossip, don't play pretend when you go to see the person. !@#$%^&*( Drives me crazy I tell ya.
Well, now that I think about it, I'm not 100% positive she was talking about me, but I'm abut 97% positive she was, just because of the things she was saying that somewhat referred to MOI. But back to my main point...I've just realized I can't please everyone. I don't understand why, but I can't. Maybe God has it that way for a reason. Maybe the devil is just being stupid, and playing that to his advantage. I just don't know.
But what I do know, is that I will always be a disciple, and I will always treat my neighbor with kindness, and love them as Jesus has loved me.
I mean, I'm not a "people pleaser", persay. But I never EVER wanna give someone a reason to hate me. So, I don't know what exactly you would call me ... but I just don't like people hating me, and I just wanna make people happy. But last night at work, it truly hit me, that no matter how nice I am to people, they can still hate you for no apparent reason.
I'm pretty much always nice to the people I work with (minus Jorge & Ricardo, but ya know.) and last night, I heard one of the other girls just gossiping like it was her job right in earshot of me. She probably did it on purpose, but what bothers me is that she was acting fine when she came back up: that's one thing I absolutely can't stand. If you're gonna sin, and gossip, don't play pretend when you go to see the person. !@#$%^&*( Drives me crazy I tell ya.
Well, now that I think about it, I'm not 100% positive she was talking about me, but I'm abut 97% positive she was, just because of the things she was saying that somewhat referred to MOI. But back to my main point...I've just realized I can't please everyone. I don't understand why, but I can't. Maybe God has it that way for a reason. Maybe the devil is just being stupid, and playing that to his advantage. I just don't know.
But what I do know, is that I will always be a disciple, and I will always treat my neighbor with kindness, and love them as Jesus has loved me.
Tuesday, May 10, 2011
Just a thought.
Anyone who listens to a Christian radio station has heard Britt Nicole. Whether the song be Headphones, Lost Get Found, or Have Your Way. But one of my absolute favorite songs by Britt Nicole, is Set the World On Fire. I first heard it at my sophmore dance recital, and downloaded it. It didn't really hit me, the lyrics anyways, until the middle of my junior year, when I'd finally given my life over to God. Well, as I'm sitting here attempting my French homework, I turned on my iPod and that song ccame up, & it really made me think. I'd thought about the TONS of girls on Facebook book I'd seen, who's statuses said:
Take my dreams, come and give them wings. Lord with You, there's nothing I cannot do.
If you haven't heard the lyrics, check them out: http://www.azlyrics.com/lyrics/brittnicole/settheworldonfire.html
But seeing their statuses, and hearing the llyrics, this question popped into my head: how many of us actually live that out?
Like, the lyrics. "I wanna feed the hungry children, and reach across the farthest land. Until the broken there is healing, and mercy in the fathers hands." Or "My hands, my feet, my everything. My life, my love: Lord use me". God gives us SO many opportunities in a day to minister, that I probabloy couldn't even count them on 10 hands, we just choose to pass them up because we're scared. Don't get me wrong, I can be the same way, and I'm really trying to conquer that fear. I just think we need to change our schools, and communities. Heck, we even need to change our churches! This just popped into my head, and I had to let it out.
"He's doing a new thing, so He's singing a new song. People get ready: Jesus is coming".
Wednesday, May 4, 2011
Yeah, I'm still here.
Someone brought to my attention today, that I haven't blogged in ages, which happens to be correct. I've been really busy lately, and quite a bit back slidden. But I'm back on track, and back on blogging!
Today is Wednesday, May 4th, and I have a cold. I began back sliding a couple weeks ago, but Pastor Andy's message really gripped me on Sunday night, praise the Lord. I've really just begun a new walk, if you will, to a place of reconciliation with the Lord again, and I is EXCITED. !@#$%^&*
I really just realized today how mean kids are. Like, in my oral comm class, this kid was doing a presentation and the kids around me were just like, laughing at him. It made me mad, I guess because I absolutely HATE seeing kids being picked on. I just wish I coulda gained some courage and stuck up for him ... in good time though.
Also, this whole Osama Bin Ladden thing has certainly run its course. I don't really have an opinion as to whether I'm happy or sad that he's dead. I mean, I am but I'm not you know? As a lot of people have seen/posted on Facebook/Twitter, Osama died a sinner, and that seriously upsets me. I know he was a terrorist, and he planned 9/11, but does anyone deserve to burn in the pits of hell forever and eternity? Ya know? I just wish we could have reached him somehow. Speaking of reaching...something inside of me wants to just start a new outreach program. I don't know how it's gonna happen...but you bet your botom dollar it will.
The play is over at school, and now I'm stuck at home every day afterschool. I got a YMCA membership, so before summer I'll have my slimmed & muscular body :)
Prom is Saturday, and I'm still not excited for the dance. I'm pree much only excited for dinner/dressing up/bowling/after prom. Yeah, I guess that's kinda bad.
There's really not a whole lot going on in my head right now. Yeah, that was such a lie...haha. I don't know. I guess not a whole lot I'm willing to share with anyone right now, just those select few that are close to me.
PRAYER REQUESTS PLEASE:
If you're reading this and happen to be a believr, please pray for me.
1. I really need a 2nd job to pay for my phone bill/gas/car insurance.
2. I've been treated wrongfully at work, and I just need God to do something there to make it stop.
3. Breakthrough & answers with a certain situation.
4. SELF CONFIDENCE!
Shanks my awesome followers/readers :)
Keep posted, I promise to be blogging more often!
"Hallelujah, for our Lord God almighty reigns. Just and holy, He is worthy: OUR GOD REIGNS."
Today is Wednesday, May 4th, and I have a cold. I began back sliding a couple weeks ago, but Pastor Andy's message really gripped me on Sunday night, praise the Lord. I've really just begun a new walk, if you will, to a place of reconciliation with the Lord again, and I is EXCITED. !@#$%^&*
I really just realized today how mean kids are. Like, in my oral comm class, this kid was doing a presentation and the kids around me were just like, laughing at him. It made me mad, I guess because I absolutely HATE seeing kids being picked on. I just wish I coulda gained some courage and stuck up for him ... in good time though.
Also, this whole Osama Bin Ladden thing has certainly run its course. I don't really have an opinion as to whether I'm happy or sad that he's dead. I mean, I am but I'm not you know? As a lot of people have seen/posted on Facebook/Twitter, Osama died a sinner, and that seriously upsets me. I know he was a terrorist, and he planned 9/11, but does anyone deserve to burn in the pits of hell forever and eternity? Ya know? I just wish we could have reached him somehow. Speaking of reaching...something inside of me wants to just start a new outreach program. I don't know how it's gonna happen...but you bet your botom dollar it will.
The play is over at school, and now I'm stuck at home every day afterschool. I got a YMCA membership, so before summer I'll have my slimmed & muscular body :)
Prom is Saturday, and I'm still not excited for the dance. I'm pree much only excited for dinner/dressing up/bowling/after prom. Yeah, I guess that's kinda bad.
There's really not a whole lot going on in my head right now. Yeah, that was such a lie...haha. I don't know. I guess not a whole lot I'm willing to share with anyone right now, just those select few that are close to me.
PRAYER REQUESTS PLEASE:
If you're reading this and happen to be a believr, please pray for me.
1. I really need a 2nd job to pay for my phone bill/gas/car insurance.
2. I've been treated wrongfully at work, and I just need God to do something there to make it stop.
3. Breakthrough & answers with a certain situation.
4. SELF CONFIDENCE!
Shanks my awesome followers/readers :)
Keep posted, I promise to be blogging more often!
"Hallelujah, for our Lord God almighty reigns. Just and holy, He is worthy: OUR GOD REIGNS."
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)