Today, July 27th was Zach & I's 4 months. It was also exactly a year ago today, that God freed me from depression/a broken heart, and took me by the hair and yanked me to His love (I mean, He really wasn't that agressive about it...He was much sweeter, actually).
Today was an alright day. I went to cheer, came home, went grocery shopping, took a nap with Zach and Jackson, went to Zuma WORSHIP, then had guard. Then, afterwards, Zach picked me up and took me to get a milkshake (because I have the weirdest obsession with them). We went to Cascades to sit and talk, and as I was taking a sip of my milkshake, I almost choked. It sat in the back of my throat, and I had to seriously just sit there until I could calm myself down enough to swallow. One of the scariest things I've ever experienced, because that was about the 3rd time it happened today.
After Zach and I talked about it, I couldn't help but ask him, with tears in my eyes "Zach, why doesn't Jesus just make it stop?" Zach said "I honestly don't know. But He always has a reason for these things." So, of course, that made me cry even more. This situation has been SO difficult for me lately. I haven't been able to eat a lot, and if I do, its something unhealthy. The easiest thing for me to eat is an Oreo, and I can only eat so many of them before...yeah.
It was also nice, because after Zach and I had that discussion, we sat and prayed for awhile...twas quite nice actually.
I dunner why I blogged so randomly...but I just felt like it, because I felt as though it needed doing. So, if you could keep me in your prayers about my throat? I don't know what's wrong with it. The doctors don't know either. We don't have the money to take me to the doctors, and my parents don't think anything is honestly wrong. So please, prayer warriors, help a girl out?
Blesssssings y'all.
Wednesday, July 27, 2011
Sunday, July 17, 2011
11:18 pm.
I just love late nights with God.
I decided I was gonna turn off the tv, and pray. Because I literally have a peice of paper, front and back, of prayer requests. So I was gonna sit down and pray. I felt led to start from the back, bottom, and work my way up: so I did. Then when I got to a certain prayer, I realized my heart wasn't tender enough to pray it up. So I turned on some worship music, and just truly let the spirit in. Like, I spoke in tongues (mind you, I believe the last time I spoke in tongues was Verge of 2010...), so that was a huge deal to me.
As I started speaking in tongues, I realized that God understood what I was praying for. This is gonna be hard to explain, but I wanna try. See, I knew in my head what I was praying for, and I knew what I was praying for, as did God. But I felt as though God didn't want me using English, but tongues. So I did...and it was super cool! Then after awhile, I wanted to pray for my needs, and realized that I didn't need to, because God already knew my personal needs, and if its His will, then He'll meet them in His way :)
Tonight I really worshiped to a lot of Verge music from last year, because Verge is literally a week away for those lucky stinkers going :p But it really made me think of Sean Smith prophesying over me, and how he said that God answers my prayers, because I pray the will of God. I just can't explain how much of a blessing that is, to know that when I pray, it's the same thing God has on His heart. Like, I share that with God...ah!
But yesh, I felt like I was supposed...ok, I was told to blog about this by Him. So, there it is. Haha.
Hebrew 9:11-14 "But when Christ came as a high priest of the good things that have come, then through the greater and perfect tent (not made with hands, that is, not of this creation),He entered once for all into the Holy Place, not with the blood of goats and calves, but with His own blood, thus obtaining eternal redemption. For if the blood of goats and bulls, with the sprinkling of the ashes of a heifer, sanctifies those who have been defiled so that their flesh is purified, how much moe will the blood of Christ, who through the eternal Spirit offered himself without blemish to God, purify our conscience from dead works to worship the living God!"
I decided I was gonna turn off the tv, and pray. Because I literally have a peice of paper, front and back, of prayer requests. So I was gonna sit down and pray. I felt led to start from the back, bottom, and work my way up: so I did. Then when I got to a certain prayer, I realized my heart wasn't tender enough to pray it up. So I turned on some worship music, and just truly let the spirit in. Like, I spoke in tongues (mind you, I believe the last time I spoke in tongues was Verge of 2010...), so that was a huge deal to me.
As I started speaking in tongues, I realized that God understood what I was praying for. This is gonna be hard to explain, but I wanna try. See, I knew in my head what I was praying for, and I knew what I was praying for, as did God. But I felt as though God didn't want me using English, but tongues. So I did...and it was super cool! Then after awhile, I wanted to pray for my needs, and realized that I didn't need to, because God already knew my personal needs, and if its His will, then He'll meet them in His way :)
Tonight I really worshiped to a lot of Verge music from last year, because Verge is literally a week away for those lucky stinkers going :p But it really made me think of Sean Smith prophesying over me, and how he said that God answers my prayers, because I pray the will of God. I just can't explain how much of a blessing that is, to know that when I pray, it's the same thing God has on His heart. Like, I share that with God...ah!
But yesh, I felt like I was supposed...ok, I was told to blog about this by Him. So, there it is. Haha.
Hebrew 9:11-14 "But when Christ came as a high priest of the good things that have come, then through the greater and perfect tent (not made with hands, that is, not of this creation),He entered once for all into the Holy Place, not with the blood of goats and calves, but with His own blood, thus obtaining eternal redemption. For if the blood of goats and bulls, with the sprinkling of the ashes of a heifer, sanctifies those who have been defiled so that their flesh is purified, how much moe will the blood of Christ, who through the eternal Spirit offered himself without blemish to God, purify our conscience from dead works to worship the living God!"
Wednesday, July 13, 2011
Why Christians are so Happy.
I see a lot of depressing status's on Facebook, and not only does it make me sad, it makes me way too angry. The devil just thrives on stealing peoples joy. He's done it to me, and I love being able to laugh when he tries to do it now: because it just doesn't happy anymore. Many ask why I'm so happy all the time, and I tell them "Because I'm a Christian, and I have the joy of the Lord". They're usually confused, so I'm going to try and explain it the best I can.
God is just joy. Like, He's a joyful person. What other person is always positive, always on our side, always telling us how He loves us, always forgiving us, always providing for us, never giviing up on us, and promising us life eternally? Nobody. I mean, living day by day knowing all of these things makes me an extremely happy person. Knowing that God knows His plans for me, and has promised me them, makes me even happier! Reading the Bible, and learning more about God, His life, and what He thinks of me, keeps me going during the day.
So many people don't believe in God these days, and I understand that: I'm surrounded by it daily. But then there are those who believe in God, but do not live the Christian lifestyle, which is understandable I suppose. But, living the lifestyle is so worth it. I just can't explain how worth it it truly is. The joy, the promises, the blessings, the excitement, the walk, the talk: it's just exciting! So many people are scared to "convert" because they don't want to give up they're party life, but I can tell you first hand loving Jesus is WAYYY better than anything you'll ever smoke, every drink, or ever bang (for lack of a better word). I became a true Christian last summer, and I honestly could never think of turning back. He's brought me out of depression, and out of suicidal thoughts. Everyone complains about wanting to be accepted by someone, and loved by someone, HELLLLLO? Jesus's word PROMISES US acceptance and love! Everyone complains because they can't find a job, or money, but Jesus is the ultimate supplier! God has supplied me with gas&transportaion since I've been out of work, and we're sitll looking for a job together. But He is the supplier, and lover.
I understand why people don't want to change to a Christian, because I was the same way. But once you have that tast of Jesus, you're gonna want Him more and more and more and more and more and more until you're just a spitting image of Jesus :)
Theres this Natalie Grant song that I just ADORE. The chorus goes:
"So make me over, make me new. Make me a mirror, a reflection of you. Take me all apart, take me to Your heart and hold me closer. Oh Jesus, make me over".
I encourage you to look up the lyrics to that song, or listen to it. It makes me cry listening to it, because it is SO moving.
I don't really know how to end this blog....haha. Just be blessed, and think about how happy you could be, if you haven't found the Lord already. I promise with my life, He is the best thing that can happen to you.
God is just joy. Like, He's a joyful person. What other person is always positive, always on our side, always telling us how He loves us, always forgiving us, always providing for us, never giviing up on us, and promising us life eternally? Nobody. I mean, living day by day knowing all of these things makes me an extremely happy person. Knowing that God knows His plans for me, and has promised me them, makes me even happier! Reading the Bible, and learning more about God, His life, and what He thinks of me, keeps me going during the day.
So many people don't believe in God these days, and I understand that: I'm surrounded by it daily. But then there are those who believe in God, but do not live the Christian lifestyle, which is understandable I suppose. But, living the lifestyle is so worth it. I just can't explain how worth it it truly is. The joy, the promises, the blessings, the excitement, the walk, the talk: it's just exciting! So many people are scared to "convert" because they don't want to give up they're party life, but I can tell you first hand loving Jesus is WAYYY better than anything you'll ever smoke, every drink, or ever bang (for lack of a better word). I became a true Christian last summer, and I honestly could never think of turning back. He's brought me out of depression, and out of suicidal thoughts. Everyone complains about wanting to be accepted by someone, and loved by someone, HELLLLLO? Jesus's word PROMISES US acceptance and love! Everyone complains because they can't find a job, or money, but Jesus is the ultimate supplier! God has supplied me with gas&transportaion since I've been out of work, and we're sitll looking for a job together. But He is the supplier, and lover.
I understand why people don't want to change to a Christian, because I was the same way. But once you have that tast of Jesus, you're gonna want Him more and more and more and more and more and more until you're just a spitting image of Jesus :)
Theres this Natalie Grant song that I just ADORE. The chorus goes:
"So make me over, make me new. Make me a mirror, a reflection of you. Take me all apart, take me to Your heart and hold me closer. Oh Jesus, make me over".
I encourage you to look up the lyrics to that song, or listen to it. It makes me cry listening to it, because it is SO moving.
I don't really know how to end this blog....haha. Just be blessed, and think about how happy you could be, if you haven't found the Lord already. I promise with my life, He is the best thing that can happen to you.
Monday, July 11, 2011
Thing's I Wish I'd Known Before Dating.
Zachary and I are reading "Boy Meets Girl: Say hello to courtship", by Joshua Harris. It's really opened my eyes to dating, and how it should honor God. Here's just a simple list of things I wish I'd known before dating so many times before:
1. God knows who you're going to marry.
I'd dated so many guys before, but only thinking one was the one I'd marry. I wasn't truly following God though, so then I didn't know that I was totally living in sin. God knows the plans He has for us, it says so in Jeremiah 29:11. So, I wish I wouldn't have given my heart to so many people before I found the right one.
2. Love isn't love without God in the relationship.
I had "loved" guys that I'd dated. I say "love", because I told them I loved them, but I don't think I felt love but once. We tell our "other" that we love them, because we want that feeling of acceptance, and "ownage" in a sense. But you can't seriously love without God. Like, God created love and made it for us to enjoy. I personally don't believe that we can honestly feel love unless God is in the center of it. Because He destines who you're to be with, therefor He knows the love that will take place, because I loves us more than anything, ya know?
3. PHYSICAL ISN'T WORTH IT.
Sex is not worth having in a relationship. In a sense, making out or even kissing isn't either. As Kayla Detar once told me, "Kissing leads to babies, so don't kiss guys". I wish I'd have listened, haha. Some people believe in a relationship "Well, this person and I are going to be together for a long time: I know it. So we're just gonna have sex because it feels good, and I wanna be close to them." Like, sure it brings you close to them, but once you realize that you're not meant to be together and you break up, it hurts like a muthha: trust me. It leaves you with unecessary baggage, and heartbreak.
4. Wisdom brings a good relationship.
That's one thingMr. Harris brings up in the book, is that in order to have a good relationship, you have to have wisdom. Godly wisdom, I mean. But also from leaders If nobody is speaking into your relationship, then what good is that? We don't keep our relationships hidden, we express them through PDA, Facebook, etc. But we also talk to our friends about them too, correct? Sometimes our parents, our aunts/uncles, cousins: we tell people about our relationships. If we tell the wrong person about our relationshipk, we could easily get the wrong advice/influence. I know not everyone is a Christian, and not everyone is going to go to a Godly person to seek wisdom, but I must be honest, we are some of the smartest people when it comes to relationships, because we're in a relationship with the One who created love and relatinoships Himself ya know? So...gaining wisdom and knowledge in a relationship can make it soar!
5. Putting up with abuse isn't worth it.
I've dealt with physical/emotional abuse in a relationship, and I can tell you upfront it is NOWHERE near worth it. I put up with it because, like I said, I "loved" the guy I was with. Looking back on it, I just can't believe I just sat there and dealt with what he was doing. No girl, or guy, should ever compromise themselves for a guy. Not only changing your appearance or personality, but not letting someone abuse you! PHysically, emotionally, sexually: it just doesn't bring good to anything! And if someone is doing that to you, then God MOST CERTAINLY WITHOUT A DOUBT has someone uch better for you.
I know these are only 5 reasons, but I believe that they can be helpful to someone who reads this...and I pray that they do! :)
1. God knows who you're going to marry.
I'd dated so many guys before, but only thinking one was the one I'd marry. I wasn't truly following God though, so then I didn't know that I was totally living in sin. God knows the plans He has for us, it says so in Jeremiah 29:11. So, I wish I wouldn't have given my heart to so many people before I found the right one.
2. Love isn't love without God in the relationship.
I had "loved" guys that I'd dated. I say "love", because I told them I loved them, but I don't think I felt love but once. We tell our "other" that we love them, because we want that feeling of acceptance, and "ownage" in a sense. But you can't seriously love without God. Like, God created love and made it for us to enjoy. I personally don't believe that we can honestly feel love unless God is in the center of it. Because He destines who you're to be with, therefor He knows the love that will take place, because I loves us more than anything, ya know?
3. PHYSICAL ISN'T WORTH IT.
Sex is not worth having in a relationship. In a sense, making out or even kissing isn't either. As Kayla Detar once told me, "Kissing leads to babies, so don't kiss guys". I wish I'd have listened, haha. Some people believe in a relationship "Well, this person and I are going to be together for a long time: I know it. So we're just gonna have sex because it feels good, and I wanna be close to them." Like, sure it brings you close to them, but once you realize that you're not meant to be together and you break up, it hurts like a muthha: trust me. It leaves you with unecessary baggage, and heartbreak.
4. Wisdom brings a good relationship.
That's one thingMr. Harris brings up in the book, is that in order to have a good relationship, you have to have wisdom. Godly wisdom, I mean. But also from leaders If nobody is speaking into your relationship, then what good is that? We don't keep our relationships hidden, we express them through PDA, Facebook, etc. But we also talk to our friends about them too, correct? Sometimes our parents, our aunts/uncles, cousins: we tell people about our relationships. If we tell the wrong person about our relationshipk, we could easily get the wrong advice/influence. I know not everyone is a Christian, and not everyone is going to go to a Godly person to seek wisdom, but I must be honest, we are some of the smartest people when it comes to relationships, because we're in a relationship with the One who created love and relatinoships Himself ya know? So...gaining wisdom and knowledge in a relationship can make it soar!
5. Putting up with abuse isn't worth it.
I've dealt with physical/emotional abuse in a relationship, and I can tell you upfront it is NOWHERE near worth it. I put up with it because, like I said, I "loved" the guy I was with. Looking back on it, I just can't believe I just sat there and dealt with what he was doing. No girl, or guy, should ever compromise themselves for a guy. Not only changing your appearance or personality, but not letting someone abuse you! PHysically, emotionally, sexually: it just doesn't bring good to anything! And if someone is doing that to you, then God MOST CERTAINLY WITHOUT A DOUBT has someone uch better for you.
I know these are only 5 reasons, but I believe that they can be helpful to someone who reads this...and I pray that they do! :)
Friday, July 8, 2011
Tough break, huh chika?
So uh, yeah. For any of the Michiganers who've seen me lately, y'all know I'm a wreck: from head to knee. Lemme just tell ya wassup, incase ya don't know:
I have the weirdest head thing going on. We think its soriasis (spelt wrong, I know).
My throat has been acting up lately, due to acid reflux (reflex? doc's pronounce it oddly). So, eating has become harder for me.
My wrist is sprained, and I have to wear my brace for the next 2 weeks (during cheer tryouts...sweeet).
My knee is acting up too! Like, when I put weight on it or walk on it normally, it acts up.
Oh, lastly, (it's not a body thing) but money is so stressful right now. I think I have 40, maybe 30 dollars to my name? I cannot tell you how difficult that is for me, because I pay for my car insurance, my gas, and the internet on my phone. It's just super difficult.
The devil is like, hardcore killing me right now. I mean, it's not like he's suceeding, he's just trying like real hard. It's kinda funny though, because I just look to the sky and God's talking to me. I know that sounds weird, but it's true.
I've kinda lost my "flow" for blogging. I don't know how my posts are going lately...they're kinda just "here's this, and here's how it ended. Praise God". So uh, try and keep up wouldja? ;)
I posted before about my breakthrough of faith with God and Zach, and I just feel like these are minor tests in a way, because they've all been faith based. We spent over $350 on hospital visits/medication for me, and I've spent around $20 on my own. It's been such a struggle on our family, but even though they aren't believers, I know God will provide for us all and keep us ALL safe, sound, and secure.
As for my body, I don't know what God'll bring from this. He certainly has given me a new perspective, because I happened to see a boy at church tonight, who was missing a leg and his face was severely burnt. Zach and I were outside setting up a tent, and as I wias complaining about my leg, I turned around to look at Zach and said "But atleast I have a leg to walk on". I feel like this is God trying to make me more thankful for what I have. I mean, I've always thanked Him for my little things, but now I'm seriously just so thankful for EVERYTHING. Like, the little and big things. Many injuries can sure do that to ya.
BUT ANYWHOOOOOOS, Zachary&I are reading a book titled "Boy Meets Girl". It's about courtship, and how it goes. It's so awesome to read, and it's super interesting. We're reading 2 chapters a night, highlighting/marking, then praying and discussing the next time we get together. I think this is really going to help us grow more, and grow stronger in our relationship wtih God as a couple. I just can't express how happy I am to finally be doing a relationship correctly, and be enjoying it this much!
Hmm. I'm going to see my great grandmother tomorrow. She is severely ill, and depressed (if y'all could say a prayer for her, and keep her in your thoughts?) my moms uncle Tony (Grandmas...son?) passed away, due to a motorcycle accident, and doctors/cousins believe my grandma is trying to numb the pain with like, Clariton, Advil, Tylenol, and is using medications to help her sleep. It breaks my heart more than anything to know that she's living in this state /: I'll see what I can do to slip some Jesus in her lunch tomorrow ;)
Yepp. Well for now, I'm going to go play my new Nancy Drew game (It's the secret of shadow ranch, for you hardcore ND players). No Zachary, I will not cheat this time...unless it gets REALREAL hard!
Blessings to you all, and thanks again for taking the time to read whats really going on in my head :)
I have the weirdest head thing going on. We think its soriasis (spelt wrong, I know).
My throat has been acting up lately, due to acid reflux (reflex? doc's pronounce it oddly). So, eating has become harder for me.
My wrist is sprained, and I have to wear my brace for the next 2 weeks (during cheer tryouts...sweeet).
My knee is acting up too! Like, when I put weight on it or walk on it normally, it acts up.
Oh, lastly, (it's not a body thing) but money is so stressful right now. I think I have 40, maybe 30 dollars to my name? I cannot tell you how difficult that is for me, because I pay for my car insurance, my gas, and the internet on my phone. It's just super difficult.
The devil is like, hardcore killing me right now. I mean, it's not like he's suceeding, he's just trying like real hard. It's kinda funny though, because I just look to the sky and God's talking to me. I know that sounds weird, but it's true.
I've kinda lost my "flow" for blogging. I don't know how my posts are going lately...they're kinda just "here's this, and here's how it ended. Praise God". So uh, try and keep up wouldja? ;)
I posted before about my breakthrough of faith with God and Zach, and I just feel like these are minor tests in a way, because they've all been faith based. We spent over $350 on hospital visits/medication for me, and I've spent around $20 on my own. It's been such a struggle on our family, but even though they aren't believers, I know God will provide for us all and keep us ALL safe, sound, and secure.
As for my body, I don't know what God'll bring from this. He certainly has given me a new perspective, because I happened to see a boy at church tonight, who was missing a leg and his face was severely burnt. Zach and I were outside setting up a tent, and as I wias complaining about my leg, I turned around to look at Zach and said "But atleast I have a leg to walk on". I feel like this is God trying to make me more thankful for what I have. I mean, I've always thanked Him for my little things, but now I'm seriously just so thankful for EVERYTHING. Like, the little and big things. Many injuries can sure do that to ya.
BUT ANYWHOOOOOOS, Zachary&I are reading a book titled "Boy Meets Girl". It's about courtship, and how it goes. It's so awesome to read, and it's super interesting. We're reading 2 chapters a night, highlighting/marking, then praying and discussing the next time we get together. I think this is really going to help us grow more, and grow stronger in our relationship wtih God as a couple. I just can't express how happy I am to finally be doing a relationship correctly, and be enjoying it this much!
Hmm. I'm going to see my great grandmother tomorrow. She is severely ill, and depressed (if y'all could say a prayer for her, and keep her in your thoughts?) my moms uncle Tony (Grandmas...son?) passed away, due to a motorcycle accident, and doctors/cousins believe my grandma is trying to numb the pain with like, Clariton, Advil, Tylenol, and is using medications to help her sleep. It breaks my heart more than anything to know that she's living in this state /: I'll see what I can do to slip some Jesus in her lunch tomorrow ;)
Yepp. Well for now, I'm going to go play my new Nancy Drew game (It's the secret of shadow ranch, for you hardcore ND players). No Zachary, I will not cheat this time...unless it gets REALREAL hard!
Blessings to you all, and thanks again for taking the time to read whats really going on in my head :)
Tuesday, July 5, 2011
Faith.
So, for a while I was going through a really difficult time. But I'm finally overcoming it.
While I was in Traverse City this past weekend, Zachary and I had a deep discussion about our relationship. He asked me to be his girlfriend, and I was terrified to say yes. But I felt like something was pushing me towards it, so I said yes. Afterwards, I felt this awful tugging at my heart saying "WHY DID YOU DO THAT? It was so wrong!" But I heard a sweet voice say to me "Psalm 6". So I read it, and this is what it says:
Please God, no more yelling, no more trips to the woodshed. Treat me nice for a change; I'm so starved for affection. Can't you see I'm black and blue, and soul? God, how long will it take for you to let up? Break in, God, and break up this fight; if you love me at all, get me out of here. I'm no good to you dead, am I? I can't sing in your choir if I'm buried in some tomb! I'm tired of all this-so tired. My bed has been floating forty days and nights on the flood of my tears. My mattress is soaked, soggy with tears. The sockets of my eyes are black holes; nearly blind, I squint and grope. Get out of here, you devil's crew: at last my God has heard my sobs. My requests have all been granted, my prayers are answered. Cowards, my enemies disappear. Disgraced, they turn tail and run.
I was so afraid that the voice yelling at me was God, but once He led me to that verse, I knew it was the devil; because the voices went away after I read it. It just goes to show that when you're faithful through the trials, God always blesses us and saves us.
:)
While I was in Traverse City this past weekend, Zachary and I had a deep discussion about our relationship. He asked me to be his girlfriend, and I was terrified to say yes. But I felt like something was pushing me towards it, so I said yes. Afterwards, I felt this awful tugging at my heart saying "WHY DID YOU DO THAT? It was so wrong!" But I heard a sweet voice say to me "Psalm 6". So I read it, and this is what it says:
Please God, no more yelling, no more trips to the woodshed. Treat me nice for a change; I'm so starved for affection. Can't you see I'm black and blue, and soul? God, how long will it take for you to let up? Break in, God, and break up this fight; if you love me at all, get me out of here. I'm no good to you dead, am I? I can't sing in your choir if I'm buried in some tomb! I'm tired of all this-so tired. My bed has been floating forty days and nights on the flood of my tears. My mattress is soaked, soggy with tears. The sockets of my eyes are black holes; nearly blind, I squint and grope. Get out of here, you devil's crew: at last my God has heard my sobs. My requests have all been granted, my prayers are answered. Cowards, my enemies disappear. Disgraced, they turn tail and run.
I was so afraid that the voice yelling at me was God, but once He led me to that verse, I knew it was the devil; because the voices went away after I read it. It just goes to show that when you're faithful through the trials, God always blesses us and saves us.
:)
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